I don't find my wife very attractive
Hello. I am 26 and married for just 3 months but I have this problem of not finding my wife quite attractive. I married her thinking that her being a good person can compensate it. And she is indeed nice and loves me a lot. and she is not even very bad by looks. she has average looks. but she is a bit on the healthy side and i am quite slim. we don't look very good together coz she looks a little older than me, though we are of the same age.
Another problem is me being good looking and successful was very much in the eyes of everyone. now people comment that you look better than your wife and my heart sinks. It feels like I have made a mistake. Now when i go out with her I get a feeling that she is not that much good looking and I feel depressed. now i cant tell it to anyone coz people would think of me as a douchebag for saying it just after 3 months. and I even feel like one.
I thought that such feelings will fade away after a few months but they are not. As i am not happy so I am not being able to love her like a husband should. I busy myself with studies so that I may not think about such things. She complains that I am not very caring. but i cant tell her this reason. I think one can fully care about his partner only when he is happy with her. She has even asked me many times if I am happy with her and did i ever had any regret marrying her. But i cant tell her of course.
Now i need some good advice on what should i do. I cant leave her of course coz i would never forgive myself as I was the one who approached her. I just want to be happy with her. Kindly give me some expert advice. Thanks
I think at least part of the issue lies in how you let other people affect your view of your marriage. You need to discover your own feelings on the subject without the filter of other people. Remember what made you want to marry her, and remind yourself that what ultimately matters is how you feel, not how other people who aren't involved in your relationship feel.
If you unearth your individual viewpoint on it, I guarantee the way forward will be much clearer
Your own ego and need for approval from other people is preventing you from being a good husband and seeing your wife for the good person she is.
I suggest that you leave your wife and find an empty headed, pretty, self absorbed, money grabbing, selfish woman to match your own personality.
wow, if a person where to say that about my spouse I would punch them in the mouth or at least tell them to shut the hell up.
Don't stay with her or lie to her. She can already see you are not 100% into this marriage. Don't think you are doing her any favors by staying with her and forcing her to have a husband who doesn't stick up for her and takes other peoples poor opinion's of her to heart, a person who is not happy with her and who busies himself so he wont have to be around her.
Like you said she is a good person and not ugly, she is nice and full of love. She deserves a man who would think the best of her and think she is the most beautiful woman because he can see her personality and spirit and it is indeed beautiful.
You should feel like you could never forgive your self if you waste her time/life on a person who doesn't view her as he should.
leave her now while you're only 3 months in and not 30 years down the line. Ask yourself why you married her and why you really care so much about what other people think. It seems like you really need to do more work on your own personality before you marry someone again. Your wife deserves better and you owe it to yourself to fix yourself and become a better, less insecure person. Talk with her and be honest. It's going to hurt and probably be horrible but it is the right, decent thing to do. Good luck.
For all you know, 30 years hence she could be slim and you could be on the healthy side! You don't look good together matters only in the first few months of marriage. During the rest of the marriage what matters is how good the person is.
I will tell you a real time story. If it helps you good enough. One of my Uncles married an average looking girl under family pressure. He couldn't fully accept her for some years. She came in and instantly won all our hearts coz she is a really nice person. Like you he always felt he is better looking, his family has a higher ranking in society etc. Initially he would show his dislike in her visiting her parents and staying back there was out of question. We all used to constantly fight for her rights with him. Fast forward 25 years. Today she is his world. Today she is free to go to her parents whenever she wants. Her slightest wish is his command. Their story is testimony that in the end looks don't win but deeds do. The beauty of the heart is not visible to people who meet first few times. Gradually these very people who said you don't look good together will tell you, "You are lucky to have such a girl".
When people comment that you look better than your wife, confidently and jokingly tell them but she is a better person than me. That will shut them up.
leave her for good.no woman can live with a man who does not respect or want her.she can find others and so can you
Please give this bit of advice to your wife.
She needs to leave you and your ego!!!! Tell her she is beautiful and one day (very soon) a man will come into her life who will love her and cherish her for her. Tell her the same man will please her in every way. Tell her he will enjoy being intimate with her and will make her feeling like a lady.
Tell her all the above please but do it soon. Do not waste 30 yrs of her life. She deserves better.
All the best to your wife my friend
Say what you really mean... you married pretty fat girl on purpose. Your reasoning behind it was likely thinking she would drop the pounds for the wedding or that your sheer presence would give her the will to get slim... and then you'd have a skinny prettier girl who likely would have never dated you if she wasn't fat at the start.
Can this be fixed?? Of course...
Stop being conceited... One day you will both be old wrinkly and ugly and that personality of hers will be a fantastic thing... looks don't last forever
Now without seeing pictures or knowing numbers your definition of healthy and mine are likely different. .. If her weight is something that could/would/is affecting her health... I would advise you both go get health check ups (as to not single her out) A doctor may voice his concerns and if he does you can go off that. If he brings up diabetes or any other health issue she either already may have or is on the road to having... then you can use that to start eating right and exercising.. Both of you
don't expect her to start getting healthy and then your conceited behind keeps donuts in the house.
If the doctor says something and finances are good a nutritionist and personal trainer will be a good jump start.
If the doctor gives her a clean bill of health it's one of two things... either you are really conceited and she is of the proper weight for her height and you just think it's fat because anorexic is your dream girl. Or she is chubby but not enough for the doctor to say something yet. Without knowing her myself or knowing height and weight I can't give a better opinion on that