I am a 49 year old divorced woman for 7 years. I dated someone (b), from my social circle for 6 weeks, 6 years ago. About 8 months later i found my soulmate
. He is also part of this social circle and was married at the time i dated (b). (B) married my friend from this same social circle about 5 years ago. My soulmate and i were at their wedding. Although not at all tight with this couple,we associated in the circle. His wife is well liked by us and i consider her a close friend. They bought a house close to us recently and the wife and i became business partners which has been a great decision. My soulmate is very upset after someone asked him about the relationship between me and (b). He does not want this man anywhere around us. We actually told his wife my soulmates feelings about her husband. This has become very uncomfortable for myself and his wife. Anytime he is anywhere we are my soulmate gets upset. (B) is unaware of my soulmates feelings and as far as i can tell,(b) has not disrespected either his wife or us reguarding past. My soulmate has been extremely severe to me about not wanting to be around him and completely blames me for putting him in this position due to my partnership with his wife. I have been asked to never go to their house and for him to never come here but his wife is welcome. This has been so severe that it may cause us to end our other wise amazing relationship. I refuse to end my partnership because it has been very successful. My soulmate actually cares(platonically)for my partner. He wants me to tell her that her husband not welcome here. I feel this is his problem and he should do it if its that upsetting. My soulmate constantly states that i throw this past relationship in his face whenever he has to deal with him due to my partner and referres to him as"my ex boy toy" i cannot discuss this with any one i know because we all know each other and my soulmate will lose it if he knew it was spoken about. He refuses to talk to even his best friend about it. I have asked him many times to get an opinion from some one he respects to see if this is rational. Please advise. I will share the answers with him pro or con. Thank you!
damned if you do and damned if you don't.. but your soul mate should be comfortable around any of your ex's because he should be very much in love with you and trust you absolutely.
Why does he live in the past? What does this guy have over him? And most importantly, why blame you for his insecurity issues about this guy? The fact that he refuses to talk to anyone about it is the crux of the whole problem. He is becoming controlling because of this issue and you could well be right when you say it could end your relationship.
He needs to to get it off of his chest. He needs to discuss it with a therapist. You need to encourage him to do this because if your relationship was solid, no matter how amazing, he wouldn't let anything jeopardize it. Instead, he would recognize his problem and seek ways to help him deal with it.
Who is more important to you?
In my opinion I would take the wife to the side and explain that your current partner is uncomfortable with you and your ex being around each other and there fore you need to conduct your meetings at your house instead of hers. Her husband doesn't need to be there for the meetings between you two any way does he? Its not difficult to state to the woman that your partner is having some insecurities and needs time to see that this ex is not important.
I think that your refusal to do this is actually causing the problem to fester for your partner. If you were to have just agreed and told the now wife this and kept the ex at a distance I bet your partner would have seen this and loosened up a bit.
It really sounds like you are willing to loose your partner over this. Like you are choosing this woman and your ex over him. (that's how I see it and it may be how your partner sees it). No your partner should not be the one to tell them. It is your business partner and your ex, you need to tell them.
All this was 6 years ago?
Your current BF needs to grow up.
No telling what he will tell you to do/not do next.
Red lights are going off in my head about this dude. Is he jealous about other things/