My ex left me for another girl and got her pregnant
I’m writing this post with tears in my eyes because I’m so heartbroken. I would just like some words of encouragement and to know that I’m not the only one in the world that’s been hurt like this and the hurt wont last forever and that I’m not stupid for doing this.
Keep in mind this guy is everything to me. I know everyone says that. He and I started dating in high school and have been though so much together. I have given everything I am to him. I did everything I could for him. I couldn’t imagine my life without him and even after all this, I still feel the same. So here it goes.
Basically, around about a year ago, my boyfriend of 9 years left me. He said he needed time to figure things out and get his life back on track. He promised it was just a break and after he figured things out we could try again. He swore no making out with, sleeping with or dating anyone else. But really he left me for another woman. I was heartbroken when I found out he had moved on. I was stupid to think he just randomly started to date her. I should have seen that he left me for her.
After a while, I noticed that he seemed stressed and unhappy but I thought if I said anything about it he would think I was just a jealous ex. I knew he wasn’t happy with her.
Back in December she left to go back to wherever she lived due to being diagnosed bipolar. And he and I started hanging out all the time and I even moved in with him because his place was closer than my parents to an externship site I was working at. I thought things were starting to head in the right direction, but then last month the unthinkable happened.
She texted him and told him she was pregnant with his kid but she didn’t plan on keeping it. She got pregnant back in end of November start of December and she “just” figured out she was pregnant in June. (Sounds like a lie to me but whatever)
I was devastated! I know he was upset about it too but I couldn’t help but only think of me in that split second. After the initial shock wore off, I told him I would be there for him no matter what and if he wanted to keep the baby, I would be there to help his raise it. Soon after he finally came clean about everything he had lied to me about. I forgave him for all of it. But something inside me tells me something is wrong. I feel there is still something he is keeping from me. I just don’t know how much more my heart can take.
Am I stupid for staying, forgiving him, and helping with the baby if he keeps it? (He wants to keep it he thinks. He doesn’t want his first child to grow up without knowing who he is and he has a huge support system)
I can’t talk to my friends because they think I was stupid for still having feelings for him after he left me. But I can’t get them to understand, despite the last few weeks of the lying, he makes me happy. He has always made me laugh and smile and I love spending time with him. I can’t imagine my life without him in it.
Please I am begging you, say nothing mean. I am looking for help not someone being mean and kicking me while I’m down.
This is your life and your decision. I wouldn't have been able to forgive and maybe your friends wouldn't have been able to forgive but they are not you.
Just remember if you do forgive him then you need to forgive completely. Forgiving and then holding on to things that he did in the past is only going to cause you pain.
And remember that if he decides to take care of this child it may mean the mother and he having some interaction. even if the mother states she wants nothing to do with it, she is still its mother and can come back at any time to fight for her rights. Can you handle him having her in his life?
If you were kind and forgiving enough to let his behavior pass then please don't do it again if he lies to you. You then get into a cycle of him lying and doing what ever it is he want to do and then running back to you when it doesn't turn out the way he wanted with the other person. Make sure you take care of you first.
You want to stay with him? If yes then never look back. What happened in life in the past, leave it there in the past. Assume this is a new beginning with him as if he is a new partner. What matters in life to you more? Him being with you, isn't it? Then make the future together fun. If you revisit the past and dwell on the hurt, it will only keep hurting. Everytime you turn back and the hurt comes to the front of your mind, just push it back and out of your mind (change focus to something else). Gradually it will stop hurting so much. Time is a cure for all hurts. The hurt will not disappear fully but yes it will become vague and stop affecting you as much.