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Confusion galore

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Relationship advice I was at a bi-annual medical conference recently. I saw a woman I had not seen in eight years, since a previous bi-annual medical conference.

I remembered her right away. When I saw her. She also remembered me. I gave her my contact info, and she gave me her contact info.

The next night she invited me to her hotel room. At one point, she came on to me with a fervor. We kissed like animals for 30mins.. She told me she thought I was interested in another woman. I told her I was being a gentleman to the other lady. Even though I could tell she was interested in me, by her body language. Since I hadn't given her my phone number yet. I sat on her bed with her, with her back to me. I wrapped my arms around her, and wrote down my phone number as we kissed.

We went to sleep on her bed that night.(fully clothed)

The next morning, we met for breakfast. Then she had to get ready to leave for the airport. I helped her pack, then I took her luggage down to the cab for her. We texted each other while sitting in the hotel bar, waiting for the cab.

Before she got in the cab. We kissed like animals again.

Yet, She said something like 'three days does not a relationship make'.

I would like opinions, as to whether she is telling herself the truth about not having a relationship?

Confusion galore

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I think she was telling YOU something about not having a relationship. I think that guys have a misconception that because a woman may make out with them or sleep with them it means they are interested in more or may become "attached" to them. This is not true.

She was only stating that it was 3 days and now its over. No big deal and she said it were you could hear it so you would have that info.

Confusion galore

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COLDSNOWBUNNY

I was thinking of that. The more I looked into her background. The more suspicious I became. Because things weren't adding up.

She played my emotions like a fiddle.

Confusion galore

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Why do you say she played your emotions?

From your post it looks like you had not seen her in 8 years, spent one night together in which you didn't have sex, had breakfast and then shared a few texts before she left again.

Doesn't look like you two really even had a proper date. I also think that women have the misconception that all men are looking for a fling and nothing more. This can lead to hurting a mans feelings by accident. If you wanted more from her you should have told her.

Confusion galore

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Because of the flip-flop in her behavior.

You forget about all the kissing, the fact that she started it, the length of it, and the passion in it. Had she been kissing me entirely, or partly on the cheek. I wouldn't have given it a second thought. But she only kissed me on the lips, and only passionately.

I will partially give you. That if it were to be a date, it definitely wasn't a proper one. Had I known how things were going to turn out, I definitely would have made a different choice. I would have chosen her from the very beginning. I know I sound like an absolute heal for saying that.

I wonder too, if she thought I was looking for a fling and nothing more. During the evening of passionate kissing. I stopped at one point. Since she was the one that came on to me(and rather passionately). I wanted to make sure she knew, I wasn't going to have sex. I didn't want sex. I just wanted to spend the evening with her. But, I didn't think that having sex was the de facto definition to being in a relationship.

Confusion galore

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Something I forgot to mention. In a previous relationship, there was a situation of an un-wed mother. Which I did not want her to become. She said I would still be involved in any baby's life. But I wasn't willing to take the chance. All of that regardless of her saying she didn't want to have sex. Since she initiated the situation. I didn't think she would hold true to not wanting sex.

Confusion galore

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UGH

One more thing I forgot to mention.

Even though she said she didn't want sex. I figured when I said I didn't want sex. That she would ask me to leave her hotel room.

Also, Maybe I am just being overly analytical. I wonder if my not staying in her room until she woke up, hurt her feelings.

Confusion galore

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I think if you still have her contact info you could send her a text or a call just saying you wanted to see how she was and to tell her that you would like to keep in touch with her if she were agreeable to it. Like I said she may have thought you didn't want anything but a night of making out.

Doesn't hurt to ask her and then you will know for sure.

Confusion galore

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I think she meant that it was all casual fun - nothing more.

So . . . if you want more, you are going to have to somehow see her more often.

Otherwise, you two are going to be every 8 years.

Either make this happen or write if off as just some fun.

PS. You don't mention whether either of you are married or in another relationship.

Confusion galore

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The minimum amount of information you can deduce from "Three days does not a relationship make" Is exactly that really. I.e that doesn't pin-point a relationship, to make a relationship more than that needs to happen. You cannot deduce that she doesn't want more, in fact you could argue the fact that she said that implies she does want a relationship. I mean she did give you her contact information, this means she wants to keep contact. That contact gives the opportunity of a relationship bond to form.

It could have been a casual "fun" Night. She could have been making it clear of any misconceptions. She could have also been implying you need to work harder than just having a passionate kissing episode to make a relationship with her. It may have even been some hint to that to start a relationship you two need to know each other better, for a longer period of time?

Also I'd like to address that misconceptions like that stated can apply to any gender. I don't get why people attach stereotypes to them.

I think the fact she showed care as to whether you liked that other girl does show some degree of jealousy or concern you had feelings for another person. The only reason I can think of why someone would notice this or mention is, if they had feelings themselves they wanted to see were secure on that person. I.e she wasn't trying just to fail because you were going after someone else.

I think in this situation, she had a feeling of infatuation. The fact she remembered you after 8 years must mean something. You don't remember a one-off person at a conference that happened 8 years ago. You must have made a standing impression to stick like that.

I think it's more likely that right now she has feelings for you, but they seem to be largely physical, or that is what is implied. Her texting may also indicate it's personality driven too. I feel she mention that "three days does not a relationship make" Because you two were going seemingly so fast. Therefore she stated that a relationship isn't secure and set in stone because of this, but coupled with her actions of the night I'd say she's interested in talking more to see if she's legitimately interested in you, past this one night. She wants to know you for longer to firmly establish her feelings towards you, whether they are real or a one off sorta thing.

I don't think she thought you were looking for a fling. Or else she wouldn't have initiated on you, plus as you stated if that is all there was to it, most likely the main drive would have been sex for a night fling sorta deal.

In conclusion I think it's more likely she developed some feelings, was going a bit too fast so she dropped that indication that those three days don't guarantee a relationship, but if you continue talking and she still has them, perhaps there is chance of one.

You should probably confirm why she said though. Ask her directly, talk to her more if you're interested in taking it further. I think that is a reasonable course of action.

Good luck with this situation and have a wonderful day :)

Confusion galore

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I did call her, asking her to call me. I also sent her a text asking if she was okay.

I am sort of 50/50(I know, my stupidity). On telling her that I didn't want a one-night stand. It is that dumb male thing about rejection. Males take it a lot harder than females do.

She did say before she left, that she would like to keep in contact. Which was semi-obvious by her giving me her business card.

Confusion galore

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I don't know about her(just because she didn't have a ring on her finger, doesn't mean, she is not married. My paternal aunt's ex-husband never liked to wear a wedding ring). But, I have been divorced since 2000, and out of a long-term relationship since Oct.'13.

Confusion galore

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No reason not to tell her you didn't want a one night stand. It's best to have clarity in these situations.

I don't think males do. Both genders usually take it hard if they're committed to their relationship. Women tend to be more emotional though I find, as such they take it harder. In reality both probably take it equally though, near enough.

From how she acted it is fairly clear she's either single or was cheating and wanted out of her current relationship. It would be kinda surprising for her to act the way she did if she was in a relationship already.



Confusion galore

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Dominic, Before I really reply. I like your clear, concise, and analytical answer!!!!

Yes, If she felt we don't have a relationship. Was giving me her business card, sort of an opener to that possibility. Not asking, just concurring. I only gave her my phone number and mailing address. Because, When I have told people my physical address. They have looked at me like I was crazy.

Ok, Casual fun night. I would agree with that. If we didn't kiss again before she got in the cab to go to the airport. Working harder....If I had realized from the beginning. It would have been her that I bought dinner for. Not the other woman(I know, I sound like a heel saying that). I agree about knowing each other better. Yet, That is subjective on communication.

Stereotypes, Can you clarify what you are referring to, as to attaching stereotypes in this situation?

I agree about, the care you refer to about the other woman. Also, It went to a health issue of mine. So, Yes, Some degree of jealousy. I noticed that, too.

Hmmm....Infatuation. Okay. Yes, I noticed too. How she remembered me from 8yrs. ago. How I stuck in her head. I don't know. Because I was at the previous conference with another woman that had been diagnosed with the same health condition. But quite frankly. I am glad I did make an impression on her.

Largely physical, probably. I partly agree with going so fast. That is why I said 'no sex'. I wanted to put the brakes on before things got out of hand.

The 'one-off sorta thing' bugs me. Not that you said it. But, There was episode of M*A*S*H(yes, I am almost 50) where the main character sees' a long-ago love that gets' transferred to the unit. At one point, they have a relationship discussion in her tent. She comments about them being two different people. To which he responds that we don't live in an emotional 'off-the-rack' world. I sort of mentioned this to her, when I asked her about discussing and compromising on differences. Religion is one thing. I have one 2nd-Cousin that is a Christian. Her husband isn't religious. They have been married 34yrs.. The Bible calls that being 'unequally yoked'. Politics apparently is another.

Physical infatuation? I do feel sort of stupid. When I saw two days later, that I missed two texts from her, before her flight. I felt like an utter heel. That, coupled with leaving her hotel room early. Doesn't make me look too good.

I sure hope you are right about her thinking I wasn't looking for a fling. Because I don't do that sort of thing. I despise it. I am committed.

I am definitely interested in her. The only 'deal breaker' for me, would have been smoking. But I never saw her do that in the hotel, or outside the hotel.

Thanks.

Confusion galore

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Yes, I agree with the need for clarity.

Ah, okay. Yes, Women are more emotional.

Very true. I think she is single. Thinking back on it. It does give me pause as to the extent of the friendship with the friend she flew to see, following the conference.

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