Problems with girlfriend of 3 months
Hey guys, thanks for taking the time to read this. This is the first time I've EVER posted a relationship question online so as you can guess I'm really in need of some advice. I've been dating this girl for 3 months. We've had some arguments about guys she's dated at school but she said she's only slept with 1 guy, her ex from back home. Her and I sort of hooked up on the first date (3rd base). Recently she told me that she was talking to my friend before her and I ever met and she was slightly interested in him but he stopped talking to her. I told her I don't feel special because I seem like some guy that just came along at the right time and had he kept talking to her, she would have hooked up with him on the first date. She said if she were comfortable with him she would have hooked up with him too, and that hurt me.
Background: I'm a somewhat traditional guy. Dated 2 virgin girls in the past, one for 4 years, the other for 3, both who were clearly in love with me. But I'm not sure if this girl actually cares about me even though she said she loves me. She dated a guy I knew at school last year but didn't sleep with him so I tried to forget about it. Then she made out with her male best friend a few months ago and really liked him but he didn't like her so they couldn't be together. Then she was talking to this guy, my friend, but he stopped talking to her. THEN I came along. I'm always going to see her (she lives an hour away but is honestly too busy to come to me), I'm always paying for dinners because she never offers, I'm always initiating sex with her, and I'm the one doing all the pleasing in bed, she doesn't "return any favors". Suffice to say, I feel unloved, I feel like sh!t, and I feel like she's just using me for her own emotional well being. Any and all thoughts are appreciated guys, I really need help on this one.
So there seems to be a few parts to this.
Some people are more open about their physical affection and sexuality then others. She is more open with her physical affections and that's ok.
There was a reason you chose to be with this girl and not the two virgins you dated for years. Whys is that?
Talking with your current partner about past sexual encounters with others is not the best idea. Those other people do not matter. The person you are with matters. She chose to be with you. If she is not behaving badly in the relationship then don't worry about it. She may have some insecurities too since you seem to have this thing about virgins.
Don't set your self up for hurt, don't ask questions like "would you have hooked up with him?" what difference does it make? She didn't hook up with him and even if she did she was single and free to do so.
Second issue here tell her next time you want to go out, "hey I want to go to ..... but we would need to split the check. What do you think?" or don't ask at all, go somewhere free and if she wants to go to a restaurant then say "are you buying?" or "will you split the bill with me?"
I always feel that the responsibility to pay falls with the one how invites. Don't invite if you don't want to pay. Maybe she is saving her money for school and would be ok with a free picnic at the park or swimming, or kite flying or a bike ride, or movie at her house.
Girls initiate sex in a different way then men do. Its more subtle and often hard to see especially if you are looking for her to say "hey take off your clothes". It maybe her stroking your neck or running her hands under your shirt. Unless she is laying there like a stick of wood don't think she is not trying to urge you on in sex.
Tell her you would like her to initiate some more or just pull back and let her come to you. She may not be coming to you or paying for meals just because you always have and she doesn't realize that you are not happy doing it.
And three month really isn't a long time. You both are in the getting to know you stage. This stuff is going to come up in this early stage of dating.
Damn ColdSnowBunny, you just dropped some knowledge on me! That was really solid advice, thank you. I talked to her last weekend about the making more effort thing, and she agreed to do so. She payed for a cab ride home once haha =) I guess I can't get past my own insecurities, I can't help but feel like she's with me cause of the love I show her, but I'll have to wait and see over the next couple weeks/months if her behavior changes. I've been cutting her a lot of slack because she's stretched very thin right now working on Surgery in the hospital from 4 AM to 7 PM, then still has to come home to eat, shower, and study. I'm also a medical student so I feel her pain. I'm just so so so scared of being another divorced doctor with an ex wife that takes half of my income forever, you know? I'm looking for a wife, I just want to make sure she loves me for me and not because its convenient for her.