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Don't know what to do

Posted by
CONCERNEDONE
on Jul 23 2014 at 11:04
Member since: 23 July 2014
Relationship advice Hello people, this could be long but I'll make it short as possible. I've lived with a good mate for about 6 years. At this time, my mate was jailed for 18 months or so and I was his power of attorney and looked after his property and his finances as well as visited him weekly while he was in jail. To do this I put my career on hold by being basically 'stuck' in the area where work was non existent. When he was paroled, my divorce was finalised around about the same time (after a number of years of separation) and as I had nowhere to go, he returned the favour to me by letting me to continue to live at his property. We both started a fast food business together a couple of years ago and we have been successful business partners.

The problem has started when he got married to a Chinese lady last year in China. After all the immigration paperwork was sorted, he bought her back here to live. At first, everything was fine but then she started making demands on him about different things. She would complain about my habits, I smoke and drink but not at home, only socially. She has made him give up smoking and she has demanded that he not go to the pub with me. She is isolating him from his friends, regardless of who they are. I refuse to eat her food because of the Chinese way of preparing food which is nearly without refrigeration. It smells absolutely disgusting and to see her leave raw cuts of meat in the direct sun to defrost is a big turnoff. My mate let her come into our business after she demanded it and she has made changes to our pricing and some of our menu saying we are too cheap etc. This woman can barely read English let alone speak it and she has no understanding of the Western culture. I put my foot down after this and suggested forcibly to my mate that she stay out of it. When he mentioned it to her, she threw a glass bottle of coke onto the shop floor, smashing it. She then walked out leaving us to clean up the mess in front of customers. She also refused to speak to him for 2 days and kicked him out of their bed and made him sleep on the couch. Of course, I'm an evil man now and according to Chinese culture, I'm a home wrecker and a bad influence on her husband. She has now demanded that I leave the house and my mate has become distant to me. I sponsored this woman to come into the country (it's law here in Australia) and while my mate was overseas for nearly 15 months with her, I ran the business and looked after his property. I also looked after his alcoholic brother who suffers from dementia who came to live with us while he was overseas. He was living with their elderly parents parents but became unmanageable for them.

I have known my mate for 15 years. We have always had each others backs. I'm wondering where all this is going to end up. I view my mate as a weak man for letting this woman control his life with her demands but I understand that he loves her and wants to make her happy but I'm thinking it's going to be at the expense of our friendship. And I reckon he'll never make her happy! Has anybody out there had any kind of experience with my problem? Should I put my foot down with my mate and maybe give him an uppercut and tell him to take control of his marriage or should just move on and maybe sell my share of the business to him and get out that way? One thing I do know is that if his marriage fails, I'll be the first person he'll want to talk to regardless of what's gone down between us.

Don't know what to do

Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Jul 23 2014 at 13:12
Member since: 27 December 2013
Time to move on.

You are interfering in his marriage (as bad as it is) You will come second to that - and rightly so. His wife should come first.

Tell your mate that you want out of the business, take the buyout and get out of town.

You had a good friend, have good memories and not it's time to start over in another community.

Don't know what to do

Reply from
COLDSNOWBUNNY
on Jul 23 2014 at 14:41
Member since: 08 June 2014
The other reply has it correct. It is too bad that your relationship is going to end this way.

He has a wife now and having a spouse will mean that she is now his partner in life, best friend, lover, possibly the mother of his future children etc. She will always come first with him, which is terrific of him though too bad that his wife sounds like a pill.

Also remember that you are seeing this from your perspective. There is something between them that is keeping him with her and only the two of them know what that is. So though I see what you have witnessed remember that it is only one half (or one third) of the story.

It was good of you to look out for his things while he was in jail and it was good of him to let you live with him after your divorce. But he is married now and really 3 is a crowd. You need to move out. A newly wed woman wants to come home to her house and home, not to the husbands friend who lives with them, she wants to cook how she wants to cook and have romantic dinners alone with her new husband. Be able to walk through the house in her underwear if she wants. You are a constant guest there.

What is his is now hers including the business. If you do not like your new business partner then you may need to get out of the business.

Your thoughts of him being a weak man for listening to his spouse if going to drive him away from you and her to resent you more. You are his friend. She is the person he chose for his partner in life.

Don't know what to do

Reply from
MANALONE
on Jul 23 2014 at 14:43
Member since: 29 December 2013
Yeah bro, time to move on. Your problem is more than common all over the world. Put it behind you and get on with your life. Your mate may come back or might not but it'll be a test of your character how you react to him if he does.

His wife sounds like a real piece of work going by your post and he's got his work cut out for him dealing with her whether he realizes it at this stage or not. She'll eventually grind him down to nothing and that will be the end of that.

Forget the uppercut, it's a waste of time...move on and live your life the way you want to because it sounds like you've done everything for him and now he can't do a thing about it because his wife comes first..end of story.

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