'i love u but im not in love with u'

Posted by
COOL RULER
on Jan 17 2009 at 17:15
Member since: 17 January 2009
Relationship advice forum category advice forum category My partner and I have been together for 18 years (apart from a 2 year separation which was reconciled 6-7 years ago) and we have two great boys aged 11 and 15. She announced to me last night the old adage that is the title of this topic. We split up 8-9 years ago due to the fact I was an arse basically. After 2 years apart, although I saw my two boys almost every day, I started to see someone quite seriously. I decided to be honest and told my partner about the relationship. She was devastated (apparently) and convinced me to try again with her. I thought I had got over her but hadnt and the fact that I also wanted to be with my kids convinced me to agree. I tried to get regular work (I was a cash in hand roofer previously) but a back injury forced me to quit and so we decided I would look after the kids while my partner studied to be nurse. After 18 months I recovered from my injury and took a job as a part time caretaker so as still to be able to look after the kids. Meanwhile my partner qualified and started work in A&E. By this time our rejuvenated sex life had started to disappear.

Three years ago I got a full time job as a resident school site manager and we moved into the 3 bed house. My partner was overjoyed but unhappy with work as she didnt see us so at the beginning of last year she took another nursing job that was Monday to Friday 8.30am till 5.00pm. For a while it was good but still no sex life and hardly any affection from her. She was only in the job for 6 weeks before she was promoted and suddenly was leaving home at 6.45am and not getting home till about 7.00pm when she'd eat the dinner I'd make, go and watch her soaps in the bedroom and be in bed by 9.30pm so again we saw nothing of her. I was by now sleeping on the settee as I go to bed later and like to read which would wake her up (not to mention my snoring!). I lost my mum in August and started drinking quite heavily but it didnt really affect us as it was only at night. Then in October her older sister announced she was pregnant and my partner started to get broody. I didnt want any more kids at my age but relented because she told me how much it meant to her (Im 40 shes 36). We tried for about three weeks, although not as often as you would have thought, but when she came on it sort of fizzled out. She admitted to me some 3-4 weeks later that she'd changed her mind. So we are back to no sex and not sleeping together. She did tell me a couple of months ago that that a friend of hers husband had moved out because 'she didnt love him anymore'. Is my partner doing some sort of reflecting of women around her with her sisters pregnancy and her mate not loving her husband anymore? Its very strange and quite distressing for me. Any advice? P.S. Sorry about the length but I thought a bit of background info might help!

Reply from
GURU
on Jan 21 2009 at 03:19
Member since: 21 January 2009
WOW! You are in the wars, I read ur story, and took sometime to think about my reply!

She's tired, last thing she gonna be interested in is sex! She wants and needs to be appluaded for her efforts in training, it can't of been easy for either of you with the kids.

I reakon she feels you don't love her..etc.

Women need to be made to feel loved, i'm sure if you put effort into your romance things will get better!

When did you last buy flowers?

Reply from
COOL RULER
on Jan 22 2009 at 10:04
Member since: 17 January 2009
Thanks for your post. I re-read my post and realised that I came across as just talking about sex with my partner. Its not just that that's been missing its the kisses and cuddles. I know shes tired I do everything I can to take the heat off of her by looking after the kids and the house. When she was in training and when she has to do any now I always support her even proofreading her essays. We've also never been a 'romantic' couple. We dont do valentines day, shes never even considered marriage even though Ive asked her several times and flowers and stuff just dont do anything for her. I tell her I love her all the time though but when you cuddle someone (even when theyve asked for one) and they dont hug you back its hard. Shes also in the last few years gone off even intimate kissing! I know some people may read this and think it seems like she could be seeing someone else (the thought had crossed my mind too) but she always said she could never do that she would split up with someone first before getting involved with a third party.

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