Irresponsibility is driving me crazy
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years. We are both 20 years old. The past 4 years have been great with him and he makes me laugh and he is a very kind person he always has been. He doesn't do things to try to hurt me but he has problems I don't know how to handle. He goes to college and when he's away at college he's a normal person and I go and visit once in awhile. But he's been home for the summer and he's a different person when he's with his old highschool friends. He's a D1 athlete and his friends are kind of all screw ups. On multiple occasions this summer he has "forgotten" about the plans we made to go places and been with his friends instead. All they do is sit around and smoke pot or do shrooms which is told him a zillion times he should not be doing considering he's got a lot riding on his athletic scholarship. He won't listen to me I feel like he only listens to his friends. When he's with his friends he doesn't even tell me I have to call and call and call until he finally picks up only to find he's already with his friends when we were supposed to be hanging out. Also he sleeps until 2pm almost everyday even when I ask him to set an alarm so we can go to breakfast or something. We don't live together so I can't just wake him up. He's irresponsible. He doesn't have a job and his moms been hounding him to get one and he's too lazy. He doesn't have his drivers license so I drive everywhere. I've asked him to get it for me so I don't have to do that anymore and he still hasn't. He's never the one to make plans I'm the one who has to initiate getting together. He's never bought me flowers just because or done anything like that. It's the usual jewelry on holidays. I kept telling myself I have high expectations but thinking about it is it really that bad to was a few thoughtful things done? He tells me he loves me and cares about me and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but I don't SEE it I only hear him say it. I can't just take care of him for the rest of his life I need someone to take care of me as well which isn't a crazy thing to want is it? My problem is and the reason for writing this is I don't know what to do. On the one had I can't handle this for the rest of my life forgetting plans and ditching me and being lazy and irresponsible, but on the other we have had an overall good 4 years and I have fun with him and I don't want to throw away something that could be a great marriage. Do guys change? Do you think it will get better if I wait it out until he's older or do I just give up. I'm just lost right now.
A20 year old is still a boy. In fact, he's still 16 - emotionally.
His friends will come first, too. You should be aware of his friends, because THAT'S where he wants to be.
Move on if you want maturity. It's just not there for him yet. (and his parents are enabling him, too.)
you are not throwing the relationship away. he is. He chooses others over you and that is a big no no. You are enabling him. Why should he get a licence when you will drive him. why man up and be there when you have plans together, you arnt going anywhere. He needs a dose of reality.
Tell him you need a break to see other people. People who will actually remember they have a date with you and have him get one of his drug buddies to drive him around.
Hopefully that will wake him up. Some times people don't realize they are doing anything wrong until the consequences hit. They don't realize what they had till its gone.