My ex-friend admitted to having feelings for me... Where to go from here?
To keep a long story short, I was best friends with this girl when I was 13-14 (I am also a girl). We were inseparable; she was the sister I never had. For 2 years we were BFF's; I'd sleep over at her house, she'd sleep over at mine, etc. I loved her like a sister.
At the end of the 2 years, she suddenly pulled away from me. She got into a circle of new friends, ignored me, and just... Left. I was absolutely crushed. I would go as far as to say I actively pined after her for at least a year and a half, after which I sort of moved on from our friendship; but part of me never really got over it. I always wondered what I ever did to her that made her want to ditch me as a friend.
It's been 9 years since then. We just reunited last week. She confessed that the reason why she pulled away from me was because she had developed feelings for me (as more than a friend) and she had no idea how to deal with it. She didn't want to tell me because she knew it would drive a rift in our friendship, and she didn't want to lose me as a friend. If she had told me then, I know I couldn't have handled it myself (I wasn't very open-minded as a teen, so having my BFF profess lesbian feelings for me would have freaked me out bigtime). Now, I'm fine to accept it, and I don't look at her differently because of it. I'm relieved to at least know why she pulled away.
So my question is this: is it possible that we can rekindle our friendship? It's been a long time... Is it even worth trying to rebuild what we had? I mean, she had to suffer through unrequited feelings for me... By now, have those feelings subsided? I should note that she is in a committed relationship with a guy (has been for 4+ years; she's bisexual). I want to be friends like we used to be, but I'm debating with myself whether it's actually possible. I was also hurt pretty badly last time; that still resonates with me, to this day... But I never stopped missing her, and part of me always wanted to be friends with her again, like we used to be... I have never loved a friend as much as I loved her. I never again had a friend to whom I had built such a strong bond...
Any advice would be great. Thank you.
I would say yes to the friend ship. You don't get many friends like that in a life time, that you could love like a sister.
She is sorry. She is in a relationship, a long standing one and she was young when she found herself unable to handle her new found feelings.
I think you should forgive and forget and try again now with both of you having more adult wisdom.
It seems pretty open to trying to recuperate that friendship.
The past is 9 years behind. This can cause quite a bit of problems, as well display some benefits.
The fact this occurred in the past demonstrates that obviously you two were and wise and experienced as you are today. The feelings she had back then were when she was still learning and developing her sexual preferences. You were a very close best friend, this evidently confused her as to what she felt. Thinking it was love. Now it may have been, since she turned out to be bisexual. However, these feelings are most likely gone. You've had a 9 year intermission, this means you've both become very different people now. You're probably not both the exact same person you used to be, this means that the feelings may fade away because of that and also the time frame. Coupled with the fact she now also has a boyfriend, this indicates the feelings didn't linger enough to plague her from moving on and finding someone else. I think it's highly likely these feelings will not effect her anymore.
Problems with this giant time tap is the fact you've both change. You could have changed so much that you don't like each other as much as you used to. So depending on that it could take some time, or if she's remained relatively the same it should be easier.
I think there's a good chance of it starting up again though. Since she came out and gave you the reason she did what she did, with full clarity. This demonstrates she clearly wants to give it another go. Or why tell you? And you want to give it another go, so motivation upon both sides is present. Which is very good, attempts of friendship should be mutual in this regard.
The only thing I could see that maybe might not turn out as you expect is you wanting to be friends like you used to be. Since now you're both adults and a lot of time has gone by, plus again you've both probably changed. So your friendship may be different too, among the way you two interact. You may spend less time together, or speak less often or just something which isn't as accurate to that vision before.
Personally, that doesn't seem like it would be the issue to me though, it seems unlikely.
In conclusion give it a go. It looks like it has a high likelihood of you two being friends again, at the very least. Best friends? Who knows, perhaps? Depends if you both stick click with one another. Hang out some, talk and have fun
I hope that help, good luck with your friendship and have a wonderful day
True friends never go away regardless of circumstances etc. Most of us go through life counting our true friends on two fingers of one hand.
Your friend is committed to a man regardless if she's bi and there's no reason why you cant rekindle your friendship with her 9 years down the track.
You are older and wiser now and your maturity should enable you to maintain your friendship with a this special person and that's what she is going by your post.