Does he love me?
I have been in an online "relationship" with a married mean for 5 months. We have talked of meeting. I live in Canada, he lives in the US.
For the last few weeks I have grown very scared of the whole thing, I'm not sure why. I already know this is wrong so please, if that's all you have to offer..I already know.
We did not plan this. We started to have discussions with each other and it grew from there. I do not know much about his relationship, I don't ask questions. Last week, he moved out of his house, but I think it's just temporary. He and his wife had a big fight. He has shared with me that they have not had sex for years and that she gives him nothing emotionally.
Because I have become very fearful, I have started to text him incessantly sometimes with worry and questions. It has happened several times. At first, he gets mad at me, but he never walks away. I finally asked him why he puts up with my drama and his answer was "I don't know. Besides the obvious...you're sweet, smart, pretty, super sexy." What does that mean he doesn't know? How could that be enough in exchange for all the drama?
Today, I hadn't heard from him it all so I texted to ask if he was ok. Well, it turns out he went to the beach with "the family." I don't even know what that means...whether that means his wife and kids, just his kids, his mom and the kids. I just feel so lost.
This man is MARRIED and you know nothing about him except what you know from the computer. He could be lying about his marriage and playing a game with you!
Please think about his family - yes, that means kids and wife.
WHEN and IF he is single, then you can do what you want, but right now, he is cheating on his wife.
There are allot of married men that claim to not get emotional support, sex, and act as though they are just neglected all together. Must of the tinge out is not true. Is just a way to reel you in. If he has been treated so badly, he would have left and found someone else, close to home. Not to mention, he could be a serial killer. Let it go. There is nothing here for you, but disappointment or worse. I think family means wife and kids. Find some one who will love you for you. He didn't even know you. This is all fantasy . Good luck.
No this man does not love you. He loves his wife. You have developed an emotional attachment to this guy and that's exactly what he wanted.
Don't think you love him, you're only confusing attachment w love. You cannot love someone you don't know. Love takes full acceptance, the good, bad and the ugly, you need to witness, feel that about people in person. Online, you can become infatuated talking with someone often, fall for their words, charm etc.
You don't have a future with this guy, you will never meet him in person, he loves and has given himself to his wife and family. I think you need to end it- it's only been 5 months. My best friend was involved with a married man for almost 6 yrs. He was never going to leave no matter how much he told her he loved her. So she finally smartened up and said she had enough for the final time. Now she's happy with someone else- someone who can give her all she wants and deserves.
To remind you- he doesn't love you. You're just there for him to talk to- to live in a fantasy world for a few before he goes to bed with a wife he loves but has issues with- just like every other marriage.
If you're smart, you'll walk away
If you're easily swayed and influenced by his words- think that he'll be who you want - leave his wife and kids for you- then stay but you'll be wasting your time and life.
Thank you for the responses.
Just to clarify. He told me yesterday that his wife is trying to work on things. I told him that I would walk away then. He then made it clear that I mistook what he said to mean that "my wife AND I are working on things" which he said was not correct.
They have not slept in the same bed for a very long time, nor have they had sex. He wants me to fly out to meet him which I have thought of doing. We talk mostly through Skype, on the phone, or via text.
He was only at his home this weekend to see his children who he had not seen since Sunday. He has been staying at his mother's.
Please, please listen to me. This is all a fairy tell love - he's playing tricks with you mentally, everyone that's trying to help you in this forum, can see through him like transparent tape. If you don't believe me just please do this ~ ask your grandfather, father, uncle, nephew, cousin any and all of these males go see them or call them up right now, I mean right now and read them the text messages and any other written information from this married man. If you love yourself you could be placing yourself in a very dangerous situation. This man behind close doors could take advantage of you. You need to tell your relatives and friends who he is cause you might not make it back to Canada, am I trying to scare the hell out of you which he has instilled inside of you. YES I AM. Find a man in Canada, meet him face to face not a married man, this married man could be setting you up. You don't know this man worse cases he could be a pimp and turn you out to the streets or he can give you drugs and make you into a drug addict and put you out on the street. I am keeping it real for you and trying to open up your mind - stay away from this married man, he is a liar and a cheater and if he cheats on his wife he will cheat on you. Behind close doors he will and can take advantage of you. YOU DON'T KNOW THIS MARRIED MAN. Your life could be in danger you may never make it back to Canada!
Ok...you have got plenty of good advice above.
Lets take a different angle. Suppose tomorrow you both get into a serious relationship. How will you take it when he has to go home for the kids (which could be pretty often)? When his current wife has some issue with kids and family and he decides to help, are you prepared to take that situation? If tomorrow he decides to keep the kids, will you be fine with that? Suppose tomorrow he feels more attracted back to his wife (after all she is the mother to his kids)....what then?
For all you know, you could just be his temporary cushion for his emotional hurt at home. He has not left his wife even though he has not had sex with her for years. Proof that he doesn't intend leaving his wife. For years she has not given him anything emotional, still he is with her? Means what? He has stayed with her and will continue to do so.
Even after all these warning signs you do decide to meet him, why do you need to fly out? Ask him to come down. Atleast you will have the safety and surety of the area around you rather than meet an online person at an unfamiliar place.
How do you know he has not had sex with his wife!!!!! How do you know he is not getting on with his wife?!!! You say you are in an online relationship but yet you do not ask him any questions!!!
He is married, he has kids, he is spending days to the beach with HIS family yet you are asking him why HE puts up with YOUR drama!!!!
He has asked you to fly out to him? What is stopping him from flying out to you!!!!????
Sorry to be harsh but are you seriously taking this 'relationship' seriously!!!!
Walk away before you get hurt. You know nothing about his life or his situation.
Thank you everyone. I know that you are all right.
He told me that his wife wants to work on things, and that they are going to try.
He does not want to hear about my personal life or me being with other men which makes zero sense to me, but he wants to keep in contact.
@"He told me that his wife wants to work on things, and that they are going to try."
Indirectly means "Don't get your hopes high for a relationship with me. I am married and what you and me have is only a casual fling."
@"He does not want to hear about my personal life or me being with other men which makes zero sense to me, but he wants to keep in contact. "
This just supports the emotional cushion theory. He wants you only for his comfort and is NOT interested in any serious commitment with you.
The truth is hard and sad but you need to accept this and avoid being hurt further in this. Remember if you are feeling hurt now, a little more time into this will hurt you 10 times more. Please stop yourself from getting further hurt in this.