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Horrible Situation In Marriage

Posted by
TIREDMUM
on Jul 28 2014 at 07:09
Member since: 28 July 2014
Relationship advice I'll start with the background.My husband and I got married 5.5 years ago.my father who is Egyptian wouldn't allow the marriage.there was a lot if confusion at fhe time but in the end we got married pretty much eloped, I managed to find a job on another city, I am a doctor and so we ran away from our home town,things were tense from the beginning.

We also had waited for marriage to have sex but when we finally didit was extremely painful and our longed for sex life was unable to be consummated.

after that my mum took and overdose because she couldn't cope, she was fine but it creates strain on what was already a strained time.i got very depressed and was quite difficult to be around.

We carried on and hd to move a few times over the next few years to keep working.my husband didn't really settle into a a job and was not qualified with a vocation so struggled.our sex life continued to be a huge problem.

One of the few times we had sex, about 5 months into our marriage I became pregnant and had a daughter.the birth was very hard and I took a long time to recover.

Sex was still painful afterwards.i saw as many specialists as possible but did t really get better, I even travelled to America to get help, we was useful but I didn't act quickly on the info I was given on return as it was difficult to find someone to treat me and mentally I was a bit stuck.

When my daughter was 1.5 years my father got liver cancer and I went to reconcile and I ended up loving home for 3 months to help nurse him, after which time he died.just before his death I got huge stomach pain and was rushed into hospital to have emergency surgery for a torted cyst.

Needless to say I was weak sad and ill after that.

During this time my husband was trying to establish work and decorate a flat my mum had lent us to stay in.

Things grew very bad between my husband and I and we were fighting a lot.i felt very unloved and sad as he didn't really care for me during this time.i was aggressive verbally and disrespectful to him also.

A few months later he told me that he wished for me to consider that he may need to get a second wife( he is Muslim ) at some point if I couldn't get the dr problem fixed.i really shut down after that.i did go back to USA for treatment which helped a bit but the love was really lost.again I got pregnant after this which was a huge mistake.i got very sick snd I was not Sble to have sex.my son didn't sleep at all and was up every 2 hours for over a year.my husband completely checked out and wouldn't help at all.

I remortgaged our flat to give him money for jus business.£120 000 , which he spent.he bought everything brand new and hi spec..he ran out of money and borrowed a further £200000 from my mum.

We recently moved in with my mum for some support.things came to a huge head just before this with a massive argument about the car being towed.i hit him on the arm in anger.during the last year I hAve been so tired and down and I shouted at him most days as he became more detached and wouldn't help me.he moved out for 2 months.

He is bAck now but things have again reached a head.he told me he had never loved me and is unsure whether to go on.he says he will try for the kids but doesn't know.

My attitude is that we hAve been in a horrible dark place and let's try to turn it around.ive apologised for my awful behaviour and told him that I love him and want to make if work.

I am just looking for some reassurance that marriages can come back from this terrible state and be saved and what I should do.i have been kind and loving now but there are still clashes..for example the last week I have slept very little due to baby, my husband won't help at all as he is working and it makes me feel so down.we had a minor argument about it this morning and I know I just need to suck it up and pamper him but it's hard!

Horrible situation in marriage
Reply from
SHIVANGI
on Jul 29 2014 at 14:59
Member since: 24 April 2014
As the baby grows bigger and demands lesser of your time, things can get better. Sometimes father's just don't understand and share the responsibility. When the baby cries, they are at a loss on what to do, so the easiest that comes to the mind is stay away. This results in extra load on mother and in turn she finds lesser time to bond with her husband. Again this results in further distance.

If you want to turn things around, you will have to find bonding time with him. May be ask your mom to take care of the babies while you both just bond together? Plan out something special he likes. Try to spend sometime everyday just talking for few minutes in the day (like may be tea time?). Also babies will be demanding, the more you indulge them the more they'll demand. With my first baby I was like you...no time for anything except him. With my second, one of my friends told me this..."When you require time tell the baby so and just let the baby be. Unless there is some kind of urgent requirement for the baby, just ignore the cries. Over sometime the baby adjusts and learns to play by itself." It was true, I hardly had any problem with my second baby. Try it.

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