Love Match Calculator

Just need some advice

Posted by
on Jul 29 2014 at 04:08
Member since: 30 August 2013
Relationship advice I have posted about my problems before and I always get such good advice so I just need a bit more :)

What is everyone's view on your boyfriend watching porn? Everyone has a different idea and everyone isn't going to agree on this BUT for me.. I don't like it. I have expressed this to him and he says he won't watch it. Well the other night on Facebook he likes a page titled "18+ porn videos" or something along those lines. I messaged him and asked and all he said was oooh how did that happen? Then he unliked it so it would disappear and then signed off Facebook. He says he no longer had minutes and was to lazy to call me. Oooh to add.. We both work on ships and currently I am at home on vacation and he is there working. He called the next morning and said he was sorry and that he did watch one video. He said when he was out in port he downloaded one and went back to his cabin and watched it. What I think bugs me is that he didn't even call me that night to say anything, just ignored me and went to sleep. I even sent messages to his phone and he said his ringer was off.. And the other thing that bugs me is that he always says he is too lazy to message me and never has time but he sure took the time to find Internet and download a video. He messaged me even as he downloaded it. But simple little messages (this is my next little rant). I asked him how he would feel if he knew I watched porn and he said he wouldn't like it at all. He wouldn't like it because he doesn't like knowing if I look at other guys but for him.. It's okay to look at naked girls having sex but not me. How dare I do that. So basically.. What is everyone's view? Am I being to sensitive in this issue? I guess overall I don't like him watching that because I feel like I am not good enough for him to think about when we are apart and he needs those kind of girls to get off. Plus I'm not skinny like them so that really bothers me.

My other issue is when you are in a long distance relationship like we are. What is the expected contact? I mean when he was at home and I was on the ship I spent so much on Internet cards and phone cards and I would message him all through the night to fix issues and I would even go find other phones around the ship to call him at convenient times for him when my roomie was sleeping. I would go off the ship and message him during my off time and do all this for him and us and I guess I sorta at least expected a bit more from him. You know? The first 2 weeks he did so good in calling and messaging and now I get contacted once a day if I am lucky. I know people go days without contact because of factors such as no Internet available or phones easily accessible but for him.. The Internet and phone and his cell are all there. We bought a SIM card for his phone to use on the ship to send me cheap texts and a sim for his tab to use in the USA. So we had everything set up for him. His excuse is that he is tried and lazy.. But to me that's not good enough. It's not fair to me. I even calmed down and just asked please just one message or phone call in a day. I think that's fair, isn't it? Am I being to much on this issue? When we first started seeing each other and I came home he didn't contact me for weeks so I just imagine that part of our relationship again and honestly that wasn't a good part of us. Like last night, no message or no call.. But you know what, if I would have gone a night without contacting him.. Oh boy we would be in such a fight. I had one day off and used it to explore Belize and not sit on the Internet all day and he still brings that day up like ohh you went that day without messaging me. I even took my phone to the party that night until I was able to connect on the Internet and message him. He was always in my mind. I guess I just thought he would try harder.

But then again.. Maybe I am just being too much and expecting too much. Is once a day fair? Anyone else been in a long distance relationship? At some points I feel like it's not worth it anymore or that he is cheating on me.. It's a ship and people don't care if you are married or taken or anything. What happens on the ship doesn't count in the real world.. One guy told me that as he tried to hook up with me and I told him I had a boyfriend and he was like so?

And one other thing here.. He has Facebook and so do I.. We are friends in Facebook BUT we aren't allowed to be tagged as in a relationship and I'm not allowed to post on his wall or posts or tag him in anything. He says it's because of his family and that they won't support us. He says his mom and dad and brothers know but he doesn't want all his other family to know or to look bad on his brothers when they come to marry. He did make one status about me and tagged me in another status. Also one friend added a photo of us and tagged us in it and he didn't say anything about that and allowed it. But that's all he allows. I have added comments to his photos now because I'm tried of it. He's mine so I can add a harmless little comment once in awhile. He also got upset with me the other day because I put my profile picture of just me. Just upset upset but just like why am I not in there? Are you mad at me?

So my Facebook he can add comments all he wants which he doesn't anymore and expects my photos to have all of him in it.

I guess my issue with Facebook is that if he loves me he shouldn't be afraid to show it.. And we have talked engagement and I guess when that happens I want to share it with everyone not hide it.. You know? Maybe I am just being too much about this as well but I guess at times I feel like I am hidden from his life.

Ooh and one more thing.. Not so much about my boyfriend but another guy. I meet him after my boyfriend left for his vacation and me and this guy became friends. I think he is adorable but not my boyfriend. He was so sweet and nice to me. I would meet him in the parties or in the bar. We would talk and joke and laugh with each other. He then called me a few times in the cabin and asked if I was going to the bar and started showing up at the bar to look for me. He never made attempts to try anything with me though. He was such a good friend and I liked him so much and some things he did was rather flirty like at a party he came from behind and poked him and tried to hide.. Little things like that. And then my boyfriend came back and saw these things like when he called to my cabin or how we would speak to each other and it became an issue with my boyfriend. The other guy didn't know but I could feel him pull away a bit from me. The day my boyfriend came back is the day he talked less and showed up less around me. He did however come to a goodbye party and sat beside me and one girl was even like ohh he had eyes for you and I just laughed it off and said no way. He didn't talk to me because of my boyfriend being there but we did speak a bit before he came. Then today he told me he extended his contract by a few weeks to surprise me when I go to cruise.. This kind of shocked me that he would do that.. I never expected him too and unfortunately I had to tell him I am no longer cruising. He was so upset. I guess my question here is would you extend to surprise a girl that has a boyfriend???? I just thought it was a bit odd and he said he wanted to give a surprise to me and my boyfriend.. Would a guy do that?? Maybe he is that nice? My boyfriend alway says I trust too much and think people as nice and that this guy isn't that nice and I have to be careful with him. That he says things in their language that makes him mad and that I don't understand. I have never had a problem with him, he was always so nice to me and even told others that I am golden and my boyfriend is lucky. Like I said, he changed his behaviour as soon as my boyfriend came back and didn't even come say goodbye too me but then is willing to extend to see me?? Does that make sense to anyone?

That's my questions for now.. I have more to add once I type it out.

Thank you for however reads and possibly adds a response :)

Just need some advice

Reply from
on Jul 29 2014 at 15:11
Member since: 24 April 2014
Issue between you and your boyfriend is not actually the porn he watches but your bonding time. When bonding time is not satisfactory (for either or both partners) everything else becomes an issue. Your concentration should be to correct that.

Then this other guy you are talking about, he could be interested in you. Thats when guys do such things. Again your boyfriend doesn't approve of him coz he perceives him as a threat so male jealousy plays up.

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