After my affair!
I had an affair for 2 months prior to this New Year. My wife and i have been together for 13 years and married for three and we have two adorable children. I regret my actions so deeply and have done nothing but self analyse this since. I know that my actions have destroyed any relationship that we had and i have come to terms with this. I was moved out of the family home straight away and am back with my parents. My wife has been working almost full time since plus looking after the kids and has been immensely strong. She has been allowing me time with the children and i have enjoyed my time with them greatly. Since our seperation I feel i have a new lease for life with regards to the children and have realised that maybe in the past i have been selfish with regards to family duties - partly due to work committments (although this is no justification). I ceased all contact with the other woman straight away and ignore any texts e mails etc. I realise now that the most important things in my life are my wife and children, i have had some contact with my wife but she is staying firm in her mind that it is over. I am trying to prove to her through consistency that i have changed and would love the chance to show her this. I have attended relate and also spoken to my local Church Rev in an effort to help me through this.
The kids have noticed the changes in me, but i am struggling with regards to my wife.
I have sent texts, apologized profusely in person to her and her parents (who do not derserve what i have done to them.) but still i have got nothing from her.
She says that she feels 'numb' and has not cried since finding out 1 month ago.
I am trying to give her space because everywhere i have researched it states this, but then i feel low, get upset and send a really emotional heartfelt text, that just must make her feel pressured.
Trust can only be earned when there is respect and i have neither!
I get texts back saying 'it's not gonna happen and you know that !'
I have singled handedly within 2 months drained all her emotion away and i am so sorry to her for this.
My priorities are now solely my wife and kids and want nothing more than to be the Husband that i know i can be.
I would be grateful for any advice whether good or bad, that may help my relationship.
hi, i was in your wifes shoes so maybe im being a bit biased but ill give you my advice anyway,my hubby had an affair with his ex behind my back which he denies to this day if your wife had you back like i had my hubby back she would like me make your life hell,she would throw it up in your face everytime you had a row things would remind her of the affair ,i continually throw it up im my husbans face and we are both miserable but we are together he has moved on i have no nor never will,i go to councelling on my own,is this something she would do?she has done the right thing for her and your children ,i did not.try and encourage her to try the councelling either on her own or as a couple,she is a strong woman and it seems to me that she can manage without you in her life so if that is the decision she has made then you must leave her alone and be there for your children.
It's hard for a woman to get over the fact that her husband had an affair. It hurts like hell, whether she shows it or not. Of course they are angry at their husband, but you have to understand that she is probably angry with herself. She probably feels as though she wasn't good enough or she's a screw up, to make you have an affair. It's a hard thing to get over because it's something that she has to accept herself. Let her know why you want her back so bad. As repetitive as it may be, let her know why she is so important to you, let her know how terrible you feel and how blind you were to hurt her. She needs to know that you want her back, because in the whole entire world, she is the only one you want and could ever need.
Don't give up. If you really love your wife it will be worth it.