I think I should move out
This has been a constant problem over the years and I’m thinking that I should move in with my own space.
The main problem is my mother is complete cleaner. She likes everything tidy and neat and she constantly tries to change the placement of objects. I’m a little bit of a hoarder (when it comes to paper and books) and I like things when they are a little scattered (to be cleared later) and things where I left them. I don’t touch other people’s stuff because I don’t want mine to be touched. However, my mother went ahead with a house renovation and cleared my stuff (some are even thrown away) without asking my permission since my room was affected. For me, this is beginning to be the final straw.
My parents currently own the house, but I pay the tax and the house’s upkeep. I also serve as the house sitter/caretaker. There don’t live here in reality but they pop in for a visit every 2 months. Every visit is a bit stressful for me because my concept of cleanliness doesn’t match with hers. I let her do her own thing since it’s her house and we had enough arguments about possessions that L’m constantly emotionally drained. Sometimes, it’s the reason why I don’t want to see her. I also keep an overnight bag just to get a sound sleep for emergencies. I think she cares more for the house than she does when she visits. Hint: they always ask about the house first.
My problem with my mother is that she thinks that I should emulate her neatness and tidiness. However, as mentioned, I have a different take on it. In addition, I don’t have time to play a maid. I work at an office where I have to reachable and available almost always. I barely have time for myself on many occasions. I have to take extra time and workload sometimes.
I also don’t like the fact that she feels aggrieved being a ‘maid’ when she could have ignored the stuff. She could just have given up on our differences but she does it (the cleaning) and she gives me grief later. I didn’t ask her or compel her to do it. I asked her enough times that if she feels so vehemently about it, she could ask me to leave. When I tried to leave, she asked me back to the house. I have enough on my plate already without the emotional stress.
The renovation incident makes me want get out of this house. I already hate it and I won’t be sad if its sold or anything happens to it. I certainly don’t want to own it in the future. Do you these are good enough reasons to get a place of my own?
Absoluely you should move. Why live with such stress?
Children ARE supposed to leave the nest.
Do it with kindness and love. No need to even talk about the reasons. It's just time for you to set up your own place and be responsible for how it looks, no matter what it looks like.
How old are you?
In my twenties. At first it was a practical solution. Parents can maintain the house and payments. I get \\\'free\\\' space. But with the visits, I think it is becoming more of a burden. I tried to do more cleaning and left things as my mother arranged, only to be arranged in a \\\'neater\\\' way by her. I also thought I should try harder only to be \\\'blamed\\\' that possibly didn\\\'t go well with her expectations. I used to think it was worth the stress since it was only visits but I think I overestimated that assumption.
You need to move out. You need your own place and landlord who will respect your privacy to clean how you see fit and respect you items not to move them or throw them away. I understand it was a practical situation but now it is no longer practical. For sure move out.
It sounds as though you work hard and deserve to make your own adult choices. Parents can - with the best of intentions - struggle when their children grow into adults and have problems with this. Letting go of this dynamic will be the right thing for you both in the long-run...you cannot stay to meet the agenda or financial benefit of others. Your relationship should improve without the element of control over you. Be brave and plan carefully, try not to hold onto anger that will only be regretful. You deserve happiness - so quit the comfort zone and get excited about a new start ! Take care