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Worried

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S-e-x advice I meet a guy I was chatting with online about 3 weeks ago. We kept exchanged messages via an online dating app prior to meeting for close to a month. After our first date we exchanged numbers and he came to visit me at my apartment a week later. He kissed me before he left and it was evident chemistry was there. He has so far been honest and a gentleman to me. I was so nervous (because I have not been on a date in a year) on our date that he checked up on me and wanted to make sure he didn't do anything to make me feel uncomfortable. Prior to us meeting and exchanging numbers he did inform me he was not looking for a relationship but not not really a friends with benefits type deal either. I felt due a major heartbreak from my ex, and failures in other relationships I've had, being in a relationship was not my best interest. I have been working on my self esteem and not rushing to be in a relationship with the first person that comes along. Recently, he came over to my place and we ended up making out which led to us having sex. He penetrated me without a condom but later asked if I had a condom. I did give him one which he used but we ended up having sex again but without a condom. He then stayed awhile and we discussed plans for a date the following week. I am slightly worried panicking because 1)We had unprotected sex, 2)I could be pregnant and if I am, he would either bail or still will not be in a relationship with me, 3)If he had unprotected sex with me, then he may be doing the same with another female which increases my risk for an std. I had an std screening in June and everything was negative. I also feel ashamed because I am very responsible about using protection but I got so caught up in the moment. I am 28 years old and want to have a child one day. I do not understand how we both could have been so non nonchalant about using protection. I plan on talking to him but do not know how to start off the conversation. Any suggestions?

Worried

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First of all you must accept responsibility for your actions or else you will be miserable. Having unprotected sex with someone you barely know is a huge risk. Before starting any kind of conversation with him about either the possibility of being pregnant or of STDs you should really have a good conversation with yourself.

Although you are worried that he might be doing the same with other women why do you not mention that he might also believe that YOU are doing the same with other men?

You don't want a relationship, however you are scared of him bailing out of the relationship if you are pregnant?

Once you have a clear picture of what you really want and how you are going to deal with what life throws at you then you will be in a position to judge and choose.... maybe you should get to know each other a bit better.

It is obvious the chemistry is there and now you are discovering more about each other ...his character, what ticks him off and what not. Let things move along at their own pace and the best queue to start off "the conversation" come alone.




Worried

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Thank you for your input. I do accept my part in this as well. I am attracted to him but I did not want to be a single parent if I was pregnant. I did not think about if he believed I was doing the same thing. I will hold off the conversation for now and get to know him better.

Worried

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You speak as if this was all your fault.

How would he feel about being a Daddy? He should have the same concerns as you do.

Hopefully YOU have learned a lesson: it's BOTH parties duty to talk about this BEFORE the act. You should have had "the talk" before about exclusive relationships and what all this meant between you two when things got heated up. (way too soon, too!)



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