Hi, I would love it if you could give me some feedback on the following situation.
I married a Ukrainian woman four months ago. She came to be with me in England a few weeks before we got married. It was very difficult to get her here as there was a lot of red tape and expensive visas to sort out. In the previous two years I visited her and we spoke daily on Skype. We were pretty crazy about each other and I never felt like this about anyone before and was confident she was the right one. I love her.
Now my wife has been living with me for 5 months in England. At first she seemed happy but after a while she began to criticise a lot. The weather was depressing, the houses too grey, my family cold and the English people were old and boring. Added to that she kept telling me I should get a better paid job as it was man's duty to provide for his wife. I have a nice job but I don't earn a fantastic amount. Enough to put a roof over our heads and food on the tale, but not a lot for luxuries.
Now comes the crunch point. My wife has a son who lives in the USA. She hasn't been able to see him since he left Ukraine 6 years ago because she couldn't get a visa to travel to him. A few weeks back she told me she would like to go and see him . Not an unreasonable request I thought. So I arranged and paid for a visa for her to go and see him. She is now in the US with him. She told me before she went that she would probably have a few weeks with him before she came back. The visa is for 6 months in total. The other day I asked her of she intended to stay the whole 6 months and she replied that she didn't know as she had only just arrived in the US. I wasn't expecting that answer. Now I am worried she will stay in US and not come back. Her son is a US citizen and he can apply for a visa for her to stay with him as she is his mother.
I am angry that she won't tell me when she intends to return and I am beginning to think I have been used as a stepping stone. My wife and I did discuss moving to be in the USA in the future and I think she will ask me to go there. However she can get a green card via her son but it would take me about 3 years to get a green card. So in the meantime we would be only see each other when I went there on holiday. I don't think all this is the behaviour of someone who loves me and I find it all very selfish. I am about to give her what we call in England a bollocking. But would that be unreasonable?
Your thoughts welcome!
DNIC..I think your wife first and foremost wanted to get out of her country. And second, she did want to see her son. She found you and it isn't clear if she had bad intentions from the beginning, but at least at a subconscious level she knew what she wanted to accomplish. And she did. Now it is up to you to get what you want, I think. If you want her back, you can. I you don't, then don't. She has already done what she wanted to do. If you decide to get her back, you need to understand from her if she prefers to live in the US and why? With that information you can work up a plan to recover her: start the romance again just like when she was in the Ukraine. If you decide you don't want her back, just say good bye and move on..don't hold on to resentments, don't show her hurt. Just wish her well and you move on. She will have to deal with her loss on her own. This one is all up to you my friend. Good luck!
Look at your wife's actions rather than her words. Save your breath when it comes to bollocking her because you'll be playing into her hands. If she can only criticise the English culture, then she is biting the hand that feeds her.
You are most certainly correct when you state that she is selfish but you should also add scheming and manipulative as well.
She is still only a bride, and if she truely loved you and respected you, then she couldn't bear to be away from you and her actions would reflect this rather than the opposite.
I agree totally with Manalone but would like to add.
Married for 5 months and the newly wed bride is already telling you she does not know when she will be back to see her husband? I can understand children do come first but lets not forget she has only managed to see her son due to YOUR actions.
Yes, you are right. Her behaviour is not of someone who is 'in love' and yes, this is very selfish behaviour on her part. Be warned.
Totally agree with MANALONE and K.
Friend, you've been used.