I took him back
I dated John for two years before he broke up with me out of nowhere. We had been fine before. I loved him more than anything and everything in my life. When he was gone I was seriously sick. The depression was killing me. I had never been so consumed by darkness. And then one day, he showed up, saying all the right things, and I couldn't say no. Its been several months since he came back and I don't think I've developed an ounce of trust in him. We've been amazing, better than ever, but I am constantly worried I'll lose him again. The anxiety is making me bitter and difficult. I am losing my mind all over again and fear that I'm going to push him away again because I can't trust him. Please, someone tell me this will go away, that l can trust him not to leave again?
You are going to drive him away unless you get a handle on this obsession with the PAST.
Trust has to be earned AND you have to allow people to make a mistake and/or be wrong. What has it been like for the last several months?
The fact I can see no joy in your post about your relationship says a lot.
Look at his behavior TODAY and judge that. Or move on so he can move on, too.
Has he proposed? That is the ultimate question.