I need your relationship advice
I don't even know where to begin but me and my boyfriend have been together about 4 1/2 years. He has 2 daughters and I have 1 son. We lived together before and I ended up moving out but we just moved in together again. We are having problems daily and the biggest problem I am having is the weird way he acts with his 1 daughter. Understand I don't suspect any foul play so please don't comment with things like that but very weird how his 1 daughter pretty much gets away with everything, she is 7 and he either babys her too much or treats her too much like a adult over me. I understand all children and families are different but I also believe strongly that kids are kids and don't rule parents.
( 1 )There is too much to list but for instance my son and his daughter went to a summer camp last year she came back telling her dad a story that my son did this and that. I told him it sounded like she was exaggerating and we started to fight. He ended up giving me a ultimatum on the phone and said that if I was calling his daughter ( 7 years old ) a liar then we were DONE. As if there was no possibly way a 7 year old could mishear or anything. He broke up with me he couldn't stand any1 questioning his daughters word. I am a adult 26 years old. The next day at camp I made sure to ask all the ladies in charge if such things happened and they all seemed very confused. My son does act up but I repeatedly asked them and they had no idea of this story that was told.
( 2 ) One night when we lived apart I called my boyfriend and asked if I could come over. He sounded all weird like he didn't want me to then he said his daughter was sleeping in his bed and he didn't want to move her to her bed and then her wake up in the morning and RESENT me. I am a grown adult with adult needs. Day time is the most important time to be with your kid. I would never have a problem moving my son into his bed for my boyfriend NOR would I even give such a young kid the ability to RESENT a adult for something like that.
( 3 ) ( Mind you the 9 year old daughter does not cause any problems or anything so this is not me picking on his kids for no reason ) So the 7 year old daughter always glares at me whenever I am by her dad. If me and her dad are sitting on the couch I have noticed she makes up lies that her stomach hurts just for him to brush me off and hold her. This is not 1, 3, 8 times. It is a repeated offense that happens anytime she sees his giving me any attention even as little as sitting next to me. She would lay on top of him on the couch and I noticed she does stuff that a ( girlfriend ) would do to her bf. Like stroking his hair soft and his face, rubbing his ear. Things I would do. Just very weird for me to see a 7 year old do things a grown women would.
( 4 ) So now to come up to speed we live together again and i noticed she is doing intentional things to me all the time. Remind you she is 7 not 4. I know accidents happen but boy have they been happening. I told my son and his daughter that the garbage bag was out of the can. it was next to it on the floor as they can plainly see. I made them chicken sandwiches with ketchup and mayo. My son threw his last bit into the bag next to the can. She threw her messy saucy leftovers straight into the can right after I had told the kids. We don't wear shoes in the house it is a house rule and the kids know this . She came upstairs from playing outside and her dad was outside, I said you cant wear your shoes in the house and she said oh and continued to walk through the house right after I said something to her. I recently bought a baby gate that stays up and opens with someone stepping on the peddle bc my 6 yr old son has started to have seizures. I went over with all the kids that ONLY the adults were allowed to open this gate. I went over a few times on different days. One day her dad was here and I was in the next room she seen me and says to her dad can I open it. Has also opened it with out asking. Just disobeying me. I babysit and have a lot of experience with children and I can tell the difference between accident spills and spills on purpose. She has been spilling everything from her milf multiple times. To my pop to nail polish remover. I told her dad after the nail polish remover that I didn't want them doing that themselves in their room that he should help and they should do it in the bathroom. He told his daughters this. well a different day I smell strong fumes and ask him didn't you tell her she couldn't do that in her room. He did nothing. She gets treated so different than not only my son, me but even her own sister.
Last night I brought all this up to my boyfriend of how she purposely does things to stab at me because she is resentful of him spending any time with another women and he actually had a defense for her. Instead of putting a child in their place when they are disrespecting a adult he puts her opinion over mine and says when I asked her why she is having a problem with you she DIDNT say your mean to her .. her only beef was to say that I " look " at her different.... :? I told him I pride myself on giving all children in my sight equal and fair attention and if I do 1 thing for one child I make sure I invite the other and include the other. I also told him that I will look at any of the children with a weird face if they are purposely doing things I just told them not to do weather it is my child or either of his.
Also the other day I mentioned to him how he wasn't spending any time with me how he was in her room morning , day and night laying with her or watching things with her and acting like I was a roommate. Not making any time for my son or me and if he even leaves her room she has to be in our room hanging all over him or sitting on his lap constantly. When I said something about how I know its important to give kids attention but relationships need attention too he said her attention is more important than mine. He hugs and kisses and lays with her all day. I clean and wait on 5 people hand and foot and don't even get a peck for a kiss. I know kids need crucial attention BUT it is different types of attention. Children and adults require different types and she is not lacking any amount of attention whatsoever to make me feel like garbage like my attention doesn't matter at all. I have read many things of other women with similar problems like mine and I don't think anyone fully understands until it has been done to them. He pulled up with her today in his car and she was sitting in the front seat. 7 years old. He treats her like adult.
My sons bday was last month. I invited tons of people. Big secret surprise was I hired a face painter. I repeatedly told all parents not to tell their kids that it was a surprise for all. Out of everyone I had a strong feeling that he would tell his 7 year old because he treats her as if shes is a adult and the rules do not apply. Go figure he did! And he claims he didn't know he wasn't supposed to but this was a big deal to me and I made sure I let every1 know I even talked to him about how my son was going to be surprised.
He is stuck in this world when he thinks his daughter is one of those my kid does no wrong and I told him he is ruining our relationship that he will never be able to keep a girlfriend because of her. I mean seriously I can only write so much. It is excessive like he should just put a thrown and crown on her and marry her. Its sickening. She has him wrapped around her pinky and he is blind. I dont know what to do anymore, he is talking about moving out blaming me saying I hate his kid and I said if I had a problem then why does your other daughter never do any of this or act like this to me.
There is absolutely nothing you can do while your bf 'ruins' his daughter's life. It's his call to realise what is happening.
Your choice is to whether you want or need to stay in this environment. If the situation 'grates against' your values and standards, then you know what to do..but do it with dignity. Most importantly, you have your own children to put first and foremost.
Father-daughter bond is something different. For him she is a princess and for her he is her hero. (In your case that applies to the 7 year old since she is the younger of the two). My 4 year old daughter too coos over her father, doing things for him, acting like smitten by him, rubbing his hair etc. But the difference is she is my daughter so I feel it only too funny. This is a phase they will outgrow soon. Its a known fact that a son somewhere is jealous of his father and daughter of her mother. In your case that gets added up by a notch or two since you are not her actual mother.
If you want to stay with your boyfriend, you need to do things a bit differently. The way to his heart is through his daughter. You cannot stand opposite to his daughter and still manage the way to his heart. You have to first win over the daughter's love and confidence. Once you do that she will stop getting at you directly or indirectly and allow your relationship with your boyfriend to continue normally. If you don't she will keep doing all in her power to keep you away from her father.
There are a couple of issues here: one is that this child disrepects rules of the house. That can be changed thru charts and rewards system and lots of praise when she does things right. get some info off the web about how to set up rules of the home with kids in a fun way.
The other is her emotional attachment to her father. While attachment and hero worship is quite common for a little girl and her father, it does seems a little excessive. Problem is, your BF does not see a problem with her behavior and he seems quite permissive with her. Yes, she is jealous of you and does not see you as the alpha-female in the home.
Family counseling is in order ASAP. Kids can be a wedge between blended families, so get some help in how to deal with this.