My husband and I have been together for 9 years and married for 3. I have a 10 year old son and we have a 2 year old daughter together. My husband works like crazy and I am a stay at home mom. Lately, I feel like all he does is work, come home to sleep, and leave for work again. He comes home late from work more and more because he stays to "talk" to people after work. He kept getting messages from a woman from work but claims they are just friends. I am a very insecure person to begin with, but it seems like he would rather talk to people at work than spend time with his family, and the woman messaging him bothers me. I want to trust and believe him, but it's hard when he seems like he doesn't want to be home. I try to talk to him about how I feel, but he just gets mad at me and says i'm overreacting and that there's nothing to worry about. The last 2 weeks, we haven't even hardly spoken because he's always too tired and the little bit of time he's home, he sleeps. He's just been acting very weird. I'm just not sure what to think anymore or how to talk to him without him thinking i'm overreacting.
First and foremost, if your husband wanted to be home more, then he would be. Forget about his words, look at his actions.
Secondly, you have stated the you're insecure and while want to trust him, after 9 years, you should be able to. All relationships need trust as their foundation.
The fact that you have difficulty trying to discuss the situation with him, tells us that communication in your marriage is gone.
Your husband is looking for conversation away from his relationship and is putting you and the kids second..he's developing another life. If it was just the case of him working all the time instead of him sacrificing down time to spend with his family then it wouldnt be so bad. Ask him why a female colleague would bother messaging him when she would know he has a wife and family at home because he has said she's just a friend.
It's time for you BOTH to see a relationship counsellor... together.
I know relationships need trust, there have just been things in the past that makes it hard. I am more than willing to talk to him about issues, but he doesn't want to hear it. He's asked me before what has been bothering me so I tell him and all he can say is whatever and tells me i'm overreacting and blowing everything out of perportion. He had a very bad childhood, so doesn't like to have to talk about anything, past or present. I have also suggested counseling, but he feels everything is fine.
His childhood issues are probably half the problem..all the more reason for him to see a counsellor. He'll need to know this himself and while he refuses to see a counsellor because he feels he doesn't have a problem, unfortunately, you may have to give him an ultimatum for him to 'see' the issues.
Nine years says alot of history and you and you alone will know what his reaction to your actions will be. It's all very well for him to say everything's fine...but you need to listen to your instinct here.
Why would he go down the path of ruining his marriage just because his childhood was bad? On the contrary, I would suggest that he needs his own family to be happy and secure and not want them to suffer like he did..and I guess your challenge would be to get him to open up about this if he hasn't done so already.