How about re-doing the bedroom. change id around, paint, make it a new place.
It is not unusual for men who are in the midst of their work career to be distracted, so you have to change things up a bit.
He also may need a physical. Is he overweight? Does he exercise? Join a gym with him. That sometimes works (the exercise)
He is a bit young to lose interest in sex, so if all this doesn't work, insist on a complete physical for him.
I hear resentment. I think he's created resentment in you outside of the bedroom as well as now in. I suspect you actually do find it reasonable that a long-term married man only 2 years short of 50 would have a waning libido, but what you don't find reasonable is the fact that ON TOP OF making you feel like the underdog he's now no longer even putting in the same wooing effort as before (other than with his mouth, whenever prompted, that is...blah-blah-blah). And I think his reason also boils down to his own resentments.
First off, you're married, so what on earth is producing this attitude that *you* - singular - have to afford something vital, particularly if he's the sole breadwinner? Surely, him footing the bill was a firm tacit? You're supposed to be a *team*, *partners*, aren't you?...ain't no I' either. So what's with this?
My husband likewise complained a while back that I didn't initiate sex as often as he did. I reminded that he set that standard very firmly during the whole wooing period, i.e. that was a facet of his self-advertised 'package' upon which I made the decision to 'buy' (particularly as my exes had always been the more passive ones, meaning it presented as a majorly, highly refreshing change, something I'd greatly admired in him), meaning if he wished to move the goalposts, he had to apply to change the contract by mutual agreement (so to non-romantically speak). That's as far as the conversation or issue went, as it happens... probably something to do with the fact I'd spoken the words admirable and impressive, LOL). Things got back to their usual initiation ratio of 70:30 with zero complaint since. Personally, I think he'd just been fishing for reassurance and, having got it, went back to feeling good about us again. But not just that. Read on...
I'm sure your husband *doesn't* want to get fired, or else he could have said something uncooperative rather than 'there's no one else and I want only you'. Example, he could have huffed, rolled his eyes and said he was too tired to have that conversation. Think about it...
In order to find out who dealt the first negative blow as set off this chain of mutual feelings of resentment, the No. 1 passion-killer, you'd need a time-machine, which you don't have. So *someone's* got to be the grown-up and put some positivity back into the interactional loop. Have a guess who that is, go on, LOL. No, but seriously: female egos cope better with resentment than male ones... the proof being that you yourself are still initiating, despite everything (albeit only semi).
There are two ways you can go about this: fake it to make it or make it to make it. Faking it is faster...by which I mean: I think your idea to buy some sexy lingerie, like a babydoll, is SPOT-ON! Think female Cold War spies - they knew a thing or two...could get the man to do or say practically *anything* by approaching via the 'titillation/testosterone door'! Then, once you've both got a huge smile on your face and have gone some way to dispelling all that banked-up resentment and frustration, you can (nicely) tackle the real issues rather than focusing on this mere symptom (assuming there even are any and it's not just gross mis-assumptions and mis-understandings on both parts?).
WHY did all my past exes cease initiating and start complaining about this inequity? For the simple fact that I can be an insensitive ucker without meaning to. Men are far more sensitive than people give them credit for, and, unable to feel at liberty to freely disclose their finer feeling when you've hurt them, for fear of not meeting society's idea of so-called manliness, tend to bottle things up where they fester and grow - the main symptom of which is Withdrawal. He's probably gone passive deliberately to see if *you* still want *him*. And I suspect him having made you feel as if you had to foot this medical bill when the truth is he intended to all along is part and parcel of this withdrawal.
Oh, and never mind that he SAYS you don't have to dress up. Men's phee-phoos are emotional barometers alright. So I'd bet my whole house he'd not only be majorly turned on but utterly THRILLED (same thing) that you went to the effort to make him feel special and worth the effort to you still. He just doesn't want to have to ask...wants to see it come from you.
It'd be a really excellent start, anyway. Also, I can tell you one thing: my husband sees the fact of my dressing up like that for him *as* initiation (which it is, if you think about it).
Try it, Sam-I-Am, you might like it.
Hope that helps?
This thread has expired, but why not create your own?