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Loss of a parent - sex - relationship

WAITWHAT
- Aug 19 2014 at 12:42
Member since: Aug 2014
S-e-x advice Hello people,

i'll try not to write a wall of text and I must say "sorry" in advance, because my english is a bit dusty.

I've been with my girl for more than 4 years and before the death of her mother everything was perfect. Almost no fights, good sex and perfect communication.

1 year ago her mother died and we have been having problems ever since. The first 4-5 months were pretty rough ofcourse and we had a lot of fights because she was always nervous. With the time the fights stopped and everything got better....everything but the sex. For the last year we have had sex maybe 8-9 times and it was always a little awkward. Most of the times when I want to have sex with her she just says "no" or says that she hasn't taken a shower or something like that.

Now, I know that time heals but I'm scared that our intimacy is almost non-existent now. I know that I shouldn't force her but not doing anything and just waiting is sometimes a bad move too. I asked her about going to a therapyst but she didn't really like the idea.

I know that this is strictly personal but has anyone had any similar experience with her/his partner? How long is too long? It might be a shitty thing to admit, but lately i've been having troubles thinking about her in a sexual way. A worse thing is that we almost never kiss anymore...like real kissing. I try to hug her all the time and be gentle but it still doesn't work...

Am I a jerk because 1 year is not enough time?

Loss of a parent - sex - relationship

SUSIEDQQ
- Aug 19 2014 at 12:48
Member since: Dec 2013
INSIST that she seek grief counseling or attend grief groups through the local church or funeral home. They all offer these sessions now.

It does take time to heal after a death, but she is closing off the very person who could help her (you)

I have seen people mourn for years and they put their own life on hold, and never move forward. This sounds like her. She is stuck in mourning and she needs to grieve.

Loss of a parent - sex - relationship

WAITWHAT
- Aug 19 2014 at 12:57
Member since: Aug 2014
Thank you for the quick asnwer.

We are not christians and dont really visit the church. We live in Europe and in the country we live in there are no groups like that. I suggested therapy but she didn't really like the idea.

I'm scared that she is loosing all interest in sex and intimacy which is a big problem. I realize that healing is a complex process but I also know that, like you said that people can put their life on hold which is never a good thing, especially for a young person.

I'm scared that I will too lost interest and end up breaking up with her because as macho or selfish as it sounds - I love sex and I want to have sex.

Have you (SUSIEDQ) have any similar experience? The thing is that I'm really not sure if I have the right to say something to her after just one year. On the other hand, 1 year is not that little of a time....

Loss of a parent - sex - relationship

SUSIEDQQ
- Aug 20 2014 at 00:18
Member since: Dec 2013
If you two had a GOOD sexual relationship BEFORE this event, then why wouldn't she want to get back those nice feelings and be comforted by you.

Have you given her an ultimatum: She gets some help so she can return to your previous relationship, or you will move on?

This is NOT going to get better unless she gets some help and is able to be honest with you. You deserve it.

The alternative is to just go on like this, forever. Her "shut down" is not normal.

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