Do I really love him or am I just lonely?
My ex and I had been best friends since freshman year of high school. He wanted to start dating then but I was the one that fell easily into peer pressure and since he wasnt one of the popular crowd, didnt date him. He began dating someone else and she forbade him to see me so we didnt talk for almost a year (at this point we were in our sophomore/junior college years). They broke up and we began dating some time after and fell in love. I knew I only wanted to be with him, I thought he was perfect. 10 months into the relationship he made advance on my best girlfriend and I broke up with him after that. At this point we had signed a lease to start that August, I was to move out of state to be with him.
We got back together in july and kept the lease, I moved there with him that august. Things started out okay but then he became lazy, wouldnt get a job, wouldnt help with bills, had a short temper with me and only wanted sex constantly. I worked 2 jobs and had other obligations that consumed most of my time to which I would then come home and make him dinner and clean the house. I became burnt out very fast and our sex life more or less stopped completely. Several events happened that made me start to dislike him more such as when he went out of state during christmas to see his family and left me alone for 2 weeks since I had to work, still wouldnt get a job, complained there was no food in the house, would go our with friends often then ask me why I was so upset. He never understood that I wanted him to be there with me and take me places but instead we hardly ever spoke. I could barely look him in the eyes.
Long story short, we broke up when I found another job in another state following my dream. He didnt want me to go and was angry when I did. We tried to keep things going for a month but I had heard rumors of him cheating and wanted nothing to do with that. I had already taken my name off the lease but he requested money from me, we got in a massive fight that included a lawyer and broke up in April.
I havent thought about him in a long time but now I am starting to again. I miss him and his laugh, I want him to just hold me again. I know my family hates him and his family hates me after everything but in some ways I would love for just one more chance at living with him again. I cant tell if at this point, its been 4 months, am I still crazy about him or am I just lonely?
If anyone has advice, questions, or anything theyd like to say, Id love to hear it.
You were in love with a selfish, self centered, immature excuse for a man. Nonetheless, you enjoyed some good times with him and this is what you are longing for.
If you pause and weigh up the good with the bad, you'll find, going by your post, that the bad far outweighs the good.
Why go back to an environment where you were treated unfairly and so disrespectively? And why go back with someone where a lawyer was involved?
If this guy was a any sort of a decent person, he would have put you on a pedestal, instead, he has dragged you down to his level. He could never have been your friend, let alone your best friend.
You have done the best thing to move on with your life and follow your dream. You have moved on and this is where you need to stay. You deserve someone who respects you and shares your values and standards.
The past is not for living in, it's for learning from.
You are just lonely.
Make a chart and list all his good points and all the things he has done that made you break up with him.
Bet you could fill all his good points with a puppy.
Don't go back to him. Instead look for a more mature version on what you liked about him.