Don't know what to do
I am still in love with her ex. We met in the 8th grade, and dated through to the 11th. He was very insecure, but good to me and matched my mindsets with everything. i adored him and he adored me. In the 10th grade, i started to feel isolated, everyone else had friends and more people in their lives, while he kept everyone away from me so he could have all my time. i didnt realise that was the issue until later, but at that time. i was confused and felt a drive for a change in my life. i kept trying to end relations with him to figure out what was going up with me. then eventually, a girl started to talk with him and she liked him clearly very much but he wasnt shrugging her away. all he would tell me was that he didnt like her that way but cared for her because she had a rough life. i got jealous, naturally. by the mid 11th grade, i ended the relations with him for the last time, and he refused to speak with me later when i realized i made a mistake. After much arguing for a couple more months, i finally decided it best i leave him alone because i believed i was no longer wanted. he finished with saying that he will ask her out, just to anger/upset me further. and he did. Im conflicted now, because a year and a half has passed, hes still with her. i started dating someone else and was happy for some time being, but after a while i realized i was tricking myself the whole time and i told the person id been dating my honest feelings, and we decided to take a break. i made friends, and feel content now with my life, but feel like theres a missing puzzle piece and that thats my ex. Hes been giving me reasons to make me believe he misses me too, but then sometimes im just not so sure. over the year, ive noticed he walks in front of the girl, while she trails behind. with me i recall he walked by my side holding my hand and treating me more as an equal. We had prom, and i feel he followed me and my date when we went downstairs to find the bathrooms. 2x we went, both times he was there with that girl. i felt like i was being stared at that night but am still unsure. later on, as high school graduation was approaching. he stopped me as i was heading to my locker and said since graduation is coming he was thinking we should catch up. i said i didnt know because i was too surprised about the occurrence. later i felt bad, so i sent him a message to his old phone number which i had not sent a message to in a year and a half. he didnt reply. 2 days before graduation, someone told me i should get his signature for my yearbook, because he meant something to me before and it should be there for memories sake. so i asked him and he gave me a pained look he used to give me when we were still together, but took it and wrote something that confused me. after a few sentences he wrote "although this isnt 5% of what i think we should talk about, i wish you all the best. be happy" and i wondered what he wanted to talk about. so i asked him if we could talk, and we did. but he seemed to change his mind and said that my friends had been giving him weird looks and he wanted it to stop. but there werent anymore days left of school, and when he asked to talk it was 2 weeks before school was out...so that seemed false to me. aside from that, i wanted to send him a message. a confession of my feelings...my friends see him on his skateboard and that girl with him late at night, theyre seen together. so i dont know what to do-i dont know if hes happy. but i feel like i want to find out regardless...i just dont know if he has anymore feelings. i need help. i dont know who to go to anymore..but this is driving me mad. i know im young. and that i have time, but i feel like i wont find anyone else who could make me feel like he did..even when i was confused with why i felt so lonely, i was still happy to be with him. please, if somebody could tell me if i should make that confession, or if that will just boost his ego even more and he'll just shut me down again..
If he can't say how he feels than he does not know how he feels. I am sorry you love him. I would tell him that you love him and then move on. Put the ball in his court. He can love you or not but it really is up to him. That is all you can do. But you have to move on. Everyone has loved and lost someone. Maybe you will never love that much again. But you can't make him come back if he does not want to.