My family is killing my life
First sorry for my bad English, I am not a native English speaker.
I am 26 years old, an engineer. I have a sister.
My problem is that my father and mother are turning my life to hell.
I will told you this long story.
Since I was kid, my father and mother keep fighting. They didn’t get married because they have loved each other at all, but because their parents knew each other and they were living in a small village (this village now becomes a city). We are living in an extremely underdeveloped community.
My father’s work was in a far city, where I have born and where my family lived 14 years there, then we came back to this “village”.
When we were living in that far city, my mother didn’t know anyone except us. They kept fighting, fighting, and fighting. My father used to hit my mother and she afforded that just because of me and my sister. Each summer we came back to the village and then when they fight, my mother went to her family and then the people in this small village were coming and convince her to come back to her husband.
The wrong is on both of them. My mother is very intransigent person, while my father has always been a lonely person, he doesn’t like people. My father is a nervous person.
Until I become 20, my father keep insulting my mother by hitting here or throw the foot of the window or didn’t deal good with her family. Once when I am 20, my sister called me and said to come back immediately to the home. I knew they were fighting, but this time I saw him kick here out of the house. Then, I couldn’t see in my eye. I hold his neck and told him if he say that again, I will make his blood as a river in the street. Since that my father realized that I became strong and he is not able anymore to insult my mother. I and my mother kept fighting too but when my father comes to home, I don’t show him that I and my mother are fighting because he will find an execute to say something bad to my mother. I and my mother fight because she couldn’t understand that I have grown up and I have my opinion. She kept also interferes with other people. On the other hand, my father always was good with me. He always love me and love my sister very much. The problem becomes that I and my mother keep fighting while I can’t show that we are not okay because my father will start again fighting with her. I kept that in my heart for 6 years. But 4 month ago, I couldn’t take that anymore, and I refused to talk to her for 4 month, though in the last 6 years I didn’t speak with my mother for more than 3 years (not 3 years in a row, but 3 years in different parts). Now after 4 month my mother felt that she was wrong and starts to be good with me.
The problem still with my father though, because he hates her (and she hates him too).
A month ago, my mother sisters came to visit us. (She lives in a different country and she hadn’t visited us for more than 5 years). My father didn’t talk to my mother’s sister at all, he didn’t say welcome (as he always was bad with my mother’s relative).
Before 3 days was my cousin’s wedding, I told my father that my mother’s sister will come so please please be nice to her, he didn’t say anything. (bty my mother hates him too because he is bad with her relatives). My father didn’t go to the wedding, my mother so sad but she didn’t say anything to me because she doesn’t want me to be sad at her.
We are living in a poverty, I have to work 16 hours per day to find money, after 3 months I will travel to another country and I must find a solution to this problem, I am sure when I travel, my father will hit my mother again and my mother my kill herself, and I am sure that my mother won’t be good with my father even if he becomes good with her. (THEY HATE EACH OTHER). What should I do? Please help me.
(divorce is not an other because we live in a very very very very underdeveloped community and if they got device, where my mother will live?)
Moreover, I live in Syria in the middle of a war so anyone REALLY may die at any moment.
Any help is truly appreciated.
Your parents have an extremely dysfunctional marriage - yet they have stayed with each other all these years. There is nothing you can do about them. They will be like this for many years to come.
You are old enough and educated enough to make it on your own.
Go visit a relative for a while and see how normal people live with each other.
Take your mother with you to the other country and leave your father back home. There you can work on getting her involved with other immigrant women and not you alone and work on the one relationship, the one with her. I know you love your father and find your mother hard to deal with. But she might be a different person away from him and he would be better off without her. Lots of married couples live apart. Other than that you cannot control what goes on in another country but your family needs money. You have to go. If your parents stay you have to forget your home and marry and be happy sending money home.