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Confused Affair

Posted by
on Aug 21 2014 at 22:21
Member since: 21 August 2014
Relationship advice Married having an affair with married woman for 8 yrs. Fell deeply in love with mistress but we both agreed not to leave our families. She started having trouble in her marriage and her husband cheated on her and left a year and half ago. I helped her thru willing to leave to let her work on it but she wanted us to stay together. She had a tough time letting go of the idea of staying married even though she could not trust him anymore or love him as much as me. He moved out and stayed with his mistress off and on. She hid that she went away with him overnight in November. When I found out I left and told her it was cheating on me. We eventually worked things out in Jan after her ex said he wanted divorce papers signed. We talked about being together and me leaving my wife but we both did not want to hurt my family. We got even closer and thru it all she went back and forth about wanting to keep her marriage together. I told her she would be ok leaving and I would be there best I could and tried to be the man in her life. I just found out she continued sleeping with him behind my back a number of times. Total shock and betrayed and I left. She did not see it as any different then what we had been doing all 8 years where she was with both of us. Am I wrong to think she would have been loyal to me? I totally can not trust her right now but still so in love with her. She says she is done with him after another lie he was caught in and went to sign divorce papers. My marriage not great was looking to leave at some point so would I be crazy to forgive again and work it out with her
Confused affair
Reply from
on Aug 22 2014 at 00:19
Member since: 29 December 2013
Step away and have a good hard look in the mirror...if you guys lead this sort of lifestyle then it's surely coming back to bite you on the arse.

You need to take your thoughts further and ask yourself what/who you really need in life. Sort your affairs out and then find a person who you can respect and trust and have it mirrored back to you.

Otherwise you'll be on the merry go round of failed relationships and constant misery for life. Life's hard enough without 'playing with fire' and we are all in charge of own destiny.

One thing you need to understand is that you can't be your mistresses' 'strength' or be there for her in anyway while you are still married...and there's little hope of loyalty coming back to you when you haven't shown any yourself.

Confused affair
Reply from
on Aug 22 2014 at 04:46
Member since: 27 December 2013
You don't talk about your marriage or your wife.

Now you are upset because the person you cheated with is cheating on you. How can you expect loyalty with all this going on?


Confused affair
Reply from
on Aug 22 2014 at 15:48
Member since: 08 June 2014
I have serious doubts as to the truthfulness of this post. Are you a troll or are you just really this silly?

Your weird love triangles where you are basically all cheating on each other are a little far fetched. Doesn't sound like any of you know what trust, honesty, fidelity, or love really is. You have no relationships here, just false connections and a whole lot of possible disease out break risk. You got to be feeling seriously inadequate. You can't make your marriage work, you can't even keep your mistress from cheating on you, that's got to be a serious blow.

Suggestion: Be honest with yourself and with those around you. Going through life as a fraud and a fake can give you nothing substantial.

Confused affair
Reply from
on Aug 22 2014 at 22:55
Member since: 09 April 2014
Fine, you both decided to cheat and lie and managed to do it for 8 years. And now, you both have decided to leave your current partners and declare your love for each other. Great, some may say better late than never BUT do not expect it to be all roses when you both take that step. Your relationship with your mistress was based around lies and cheating. This will now cause issues between you both. Neither of you will be able to trust each other as you have both seen each others deceitful side. You have seen the darkest most manipulative side of each other and you both did it very well, otherwise this relationship of betrayal would not have carried on for 8 yrs.

As Susiedq stated, THIS is where karma will have a great part to play in your life because the above issues WILL come between you both. You both will never have that trust or peace of mind with each other.

I can understand people do fall out of love with their partners and they end up finding comfort in others but seriously?! Carrying on with this betrayal for 8 YEARS!!! was totally unforgivable.

Neither of you should expect anything from each other. Do not expect loyalty from her. And no, you would not be crazy to forgive her because you both DO deserve to stay together and suffer the consequences of your actions..together.

I do hope your wife will find happiness once you leave.

Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?