I made a mistake I regret everyday
I met a guy online that I liked a lot, and we spent this summer together like everyday, on skype video calls, playing different games together, and spending our nights watching movies on netflix while on call. Whenever we weren't working, we were together. Around 2 months later, we both had to return to college and we both wouldn't have quite as much time to spend together anymore. But before school even started, he began to not talk to me quite as much, and not spend hardly any time together at all. It had been about a week since we had talked on skype, and I had a busy day at work and I had to go to a birthday party afterwards, but we had plans to watch a movie together that night. When I got home, he said he was going to bed. I immediately became really upset, to the point of tears. I should have known then to calm down and take a step back, but I over reacted and lashed at him anyways. I told him it wasn't going to work anymore, and that we shouldn't be together anymore. I guess in my mind I was hoping he would apologize and want me back, but instead he was extremely hurt and felt betrayed, and I don't blame him at all. Shortly afterwards I realized my mistake and apologized to him, hoping to take back what I had just said. He told me he needed to think about it, so I went to bed. The next day I tried to talk to him about it, but he said he still needed more time. I kept away for a few days, not bothering him and gave him plenty of space, and he messaged me saying he wanted to give it another try.
That was great and all, but since we've gotten back together he hasn't been his former self at all. He has changed. He doesn't try to spend time with me at all, we talk here and there throughout the day but never a deep conversation, and he doesn't give me any sort of affection like he did in the past. It's officially been a month since I've heard his voice, so I was worried and decided to talk to him about it. I told him that I wanted his old self back, and he told me his old self "died that day I said those things". I told him I wanted to make it work out and get him back to his former self, but he would have to work with me in some way. I feel I've dug an even deeper hole by trying to bring it up, but I don't know what else to do. I don't know if I should give him more space or just keep our pieced conversations going like it has been and hope he finds his way back to me. I want to do this in the most mature way possible, and I'll do what it takes.
Sorry for the incredibly long post but thank you very much for listening and providing your opinion.
Ive been on your bf end of this spectrum so i can relate to this situation from his end. This is whats happened... you and him were in a plane. (relationship) the plane took off and started going sky high and an awesome pace. Nice and steady. Both of you were happy cause there wasn't any extreme change. You reached a really high altitude and began running into turbulence. (aka both of you beginning school meaning this was the both of yours first challenge to your relationship.) a plane (the relationship) is only as strong as those who take care of it. As you said you over reacted. We all do. But the result is this... you ripped off your turbines. Now your in a plane thats gliding eventually it will come down. theres no way your relationship is going to excel. whats done is done the turbines are gone. However, if you land (look at the two of yours relationship, at its foundation.) and repair then try again your going to have a much better chance of recovering from this. If you just keep going as you are now your eventually going to hit ground and both of you are going to lose. So your best bet is to hammer out a solution to fix your foundation. But he also has to be willing too as well.
Gee - you get upset once and he acts like this? you apologized and wanted to make things right again, but he is holding back. Now, he pouts and he is emotionally blackmailing you.
Make note of how he reacts to conflict. This is how he would be in the future. You will be walking on eggshells all the time.
Move on. Find a more mature man.
It is not the outburst thats resulted in this. If you observe, from what you shared, the phenomenon of ignoring you started a while back and your outburst was a result of this. You need to talk and find out why he was staying away from you (before the outburst). Your problem starts from there. If you both are able to pin it and repair that, it should take off well again.
I agree with susiedq, you get upset with him and he reacts like that!?! This should be sending you red flags!!! Stand your ground now otherwise he will always be playing the victim and putting all fault on you.
Give him some tough love for a while and i am sure you will see a change in him. Try it please!!!
Just noted Shivangi also made a very valid point.