I'd never want to let her go
Long story short, my girlfriend found out that I chat with another girl with whom I had had feelings before we started the relationship. Twice.
The first time it really broke her heart as not only did I do that, but also lied and used her trust.
The second time I kept the chat record and was caught red-handed.
There's nothing much special about the chat but my girlfriend treated it as cheating, as she stated clearly that she had serious trust issues. These things happened last year and really broke her heart badly.
OK, now fast forward to three months ago, when my girlfriend found that I had saved her former colleague's number in my messenger. To be precise, I got that number from her in secret – I didn't know that girl, nor did I chat with her. Maybe the number is kind of a trophy to me. (How petty and pathetic when I’m looking back.) I kept that number for months but it was not until I installed the app – the number was there. (Guess I’m not really a tech-savvy guy.)
Again this broke her heart but somehow we managed to be together after I begged her to stay. She did but as you can imagine, things went differently. There were fewer conversations, fewer dates, less laughter and less intimacy.
Weeks ago, things got even worse. Whereas I visited her place during weekends, she stood me up and met her friends instead. Finally she decided to dump me for good as she has made up her mind that I was no longer needed. Ever since then she didn’t reply to my message and pick up my calls. When she found me waiting for her at her door / at work, she told me to get out of her face.
What’s troubling me is beyond that.
1. We have quite a number of mutual friends. Some of them know what has happened between us and I really worried that they will no longer trust me and I am black listed from their activities.
2. She used to date a friend of mine – whom she regarded as a jerk – she warned that she didn’t want to treat me like him if I was shameless enough to try to save this relationship.
My questions are:
1. I want this relationship more than anything, however slim the chance is. I can’t let her go.
But it's quite impossible to do it the hard way. She won't be coerced into anything.
How can I save it again?
2. Even if, God forbid, we can’t be lovers again, can we be friends at least? She’s not just girlfriend, but a very good friend, if not the best.
Any thought, mates? I’d really appreciate your advice.
Be honest with yourself and ask why bother to chat with another woman you had feelings for previously?
If you really wanted and needed the relationship with your current gf, now ex, you would have put 100% into it..instead of cheating ( yes it is).
She has put the shutters up and going by your post, you're wasting your time trying to get her back or even have her as a friend. She has decided that you (along with your mate) don't come up to her standards.
As for mutual friends, they will either judge you by your actions, past, present and future, and accept you for who you are or they'll wipe you completely.
One thing you need to remember and that's trust is a two way street and if you lose OR abuse trust in a relationship, then you absolutely have no business being with the other person.
Well, that's what happens when couples break up (By the way, you have not accepted that this is OVER)
You may have to find new friends and start anew. Consider this a new break.
Sorry, but that's what happens. I get a feeling that just having someone's phone number in your records is not the TOTAL reason that you got dumped.
Time to really look at how you contributed to all this. LEARN from your mistakes.
Hi Manalone and Susiedq
Thanks so much for taking time to reply to my post and being honest to me.
Had my lesson and I am sure I can be a better boyfriend in the future.