Been in an on and off relationship for 11 years. During that time have separated 13-15 times. Each time we do he goes to live with one of his daughters. He discusses all our personal problems with his daughters. If we have an argument he goes to them to get advice on how to handle our problem. One time we had been schedule to go on cruise, last minute told me he was taking his daughter and not me, supposedly because everyone he talked to told him he would have a rotten time with me and suppose we started to argue while on the cruis. This really hurt.
When we have an argument it is mostly over silly things that we separate over. We really act like children. We always manage to get back together. We had tried counseling with two different counselors.
I have told him and the counselors we saw, that I feel like a fifth wheel, I know if it was a choice of doing something with me or with his daughters he would chose his daughter.
Well this last split has been now over 6 months, we are talking, and maybe twice a week he will either come over to my house and we watch tv, or we may go over to the river and talk, usually when he comes to my house his daughter will call to remind him as a joke I assume not to be late. Well needless to say he is home by the time she tells him. He is limited to coming over my house because he allows his grandson to use his car to go to work, I dont why the daughter doesnt offer her car to him to use to visit me. His daughters are very dependable on him financially and he allows it.
I could go on an on about his daughters, and I by no means am perfect. I understand and I myself am there for my family as a parent I would be first in line to help them, that is the magic word help, not do for them I have tried to explain to him that what he is doing is wrong and they will never learn. He only gets SS and a smere
Now my real question is, of course not living together, sex has not happen, he wants to go away for a day or two but I am from the old school, sometimes I think sex is the only reason why he wants to be with me, not to try to work out whatever is wrong with us, but for the sex.
I dont want to be friends with benefits, I want us both to be in a relationship.
There have been times where I may see him in a week time for like 2 or 3 hours I dont feel that there is any real effort to work on our so called relationship only coming around to work his way to have sex and still live with his daughter.
Many years ago, we were engaged, and his daughter actually told me you two shouldnt get married just live together and then go your own ways.
i am really trying to figure out if we should try to work on this relationshp (if that what I call it now, him at his daughter me in my home) or just be friends. We are both in our 60's and this should be a happy time, but he has so much responsiblity now with living with his daughter, actually he has more then his son in law, his daughter goes to him for any problem before even talking to her husband if she talks to him at all.
Does anyone feel that there is any chance we can salvage this or should we just be friends (without benefits), he now has all the responsibilities of a husband rather than a grandparent.
would appreciate any suggestions from anyone who may have experienced this situation
we both say we love each other and in the beginning of our relationship things were great for a good 6 or 7 years,and of course now that he is living with the daughter she doesnt want him to leave, she is really in control of him and funny thing he wont admit it, because he has told her that he contributing too much $ to the household and has nothing left over for him to take trips or enjoy himself
Unless he gets a backbone, things are not going to change.
You are fighting a SYSTEM of dysfunction = from his daughter, the grandson and financially.
Eleven years is a long time. You are going to have to decide if this is enough for you.
Some women of your age like this kind of arrangement. (separate lives, just comes around once in a while) but since he is also NOT showering you with gifts and taking you places, it sounds like a downer to me. What's in it for you?