Feeling there is no hope!!
I have been with my husband for 25 years, and during the last 10 years I have been dealing with his dependency on drinking. Side note, his dad was a recovering alcoholic. Over the years I have been dealing with the non stop drinking which has caused us problems financially, emotionally, and intimately. He does not understand that his constant lying and sneaking drinking has hurt our relationship as it has. The thing is that a couple of years ago, he joined me in running our own business and we work together full-time. Long story short, he has in the past sneaked beers up to our business or make an excuse to have to run an errand only to stop and drink a couple of beers. Finally, I got him to go to his Doctor and had a mini intervention with my family and he checked into a rehab for only a few hours and left. But in that few hours he seemed to be scared straight and quit drinking for several months. But today I found a beer hidden in a bag he brought into the house and I was devastated. Come to find out he started up again and doesn't understand why I am making a big deal out of it. He says he gets his stuff done and doesn't think lying about the beer is lying.
I feel like I am in a no win situation, we depend on our income from our business personally, and we work at the same place.
I do love him, I just feel that as this behavior continues, that I lose a piece of me everyday and feel trapped, like this is how my life is going to be played out. Now realize that there is a lot more to the story, there is ten years of dealing with this. I feel like it has changed me as a person from be lively, happy, positive, and someone who likes to socialize with others, to someone who is depressed, filled with anxiety, feeling highly stressed, feeling like I am going to have a mental breakdown and not knowing what to do. I can't just walk away from our business, it would destroy it and more than likely close down. And then what? I just need help in making myself whole. And when I talk to family members, they say, I have been dealing with this for years, that he hasn't changed and he probably won't. My husband is a good person and is gentle like a teddy bear, but is also very very juvenile making me always having to be the adult and the responsible one in our marriage and that is the biggest problem of all. That I feel like I have been the only responsible adult in this relationship dealing with the business, finances, and our children. I find myself having to argue with him to get him to step up. Any advice will help - I just really need someone to talk to .
Your husband will never step up while he isn't capable of controlling his drinking. His addiction has a long, hard road called recovery and you're right, you are in a no win situation. I speak from personal experience here.
You and your family members need to go to an AA meeting to fully understand the issues of alcohol and it's effect on people closest to those who have a problem with drinking.
There is absolutely nothing you can do other than make a decision to leave and get on with your life without him. As hard as it sounds, this is possibly the only way you will make yourself whole again. While your husband hasn't admitted his addiction, you, on the other hand, are close to rock bottom. While you state you just can't walk away from your business, you will be no good to your business if you continue on the path you are on and have a mental breakdown as a result.
You need to realise that regardless that you feel that you are the only responsible adult making the decisions, you are in fact, the ONLY responsible adult in your relationship. You are basically alone and have been for ten years going by your post.
You need to make a decision for your OWN well being. You need to be kind to yourself now and make decisions for you because you can't make a decision for your husband in regards to his drinking....that decision has to come from him and him alone. He will either sober up or continue drinking whether you're with him or not.
Don't go to an AA meeting. Go to Alanon. That's for the affected family.
Your huband loves his alcohol more than his family. It's his best friend and makes everything better (he thinks)
Go to Alanon and find out how others are coping with living with an alcoholic.
PS - at the intervention, did you state consequences if he didn't stop drinking?