My husband is gay
I've recently discovered or re-discovered that the man I married is actively searching for, interacting with & cruising for Tranny's. If this were any other person, I wouldn't care. I'm a big supporter of the Gay community & transgender people as well. People are born the way they're born, not a big shock.
However, this is not a friend or relative. This is my HUSBAND. The person I share my life with. The person I share my bed with & I'm furious.
I don't know what to do! On one hand, I'm genuinely not angry. Because this is obviously his sexual preferrence. And no matter what he says or does, this will always be his preferrence. You don't choose to be gay or straight so I can't be mad but I am!
I'm mad that he has minimalized it in the past. I'm mad that I was told repeatedly that it was a "phase" & I'm mad that I've been working on a marriage by HIS request only to find that my every move is criticized while all along he's doing everything he can to destroy the very thing he says he wants, our marriage to work.
I'm so confused and hurt and angry and isolated that I just can't believe he has any real feelings for me. We can't even be friends now!!!
Why in the hell would someone lie? I've been his only friend. I've protected his past from the Military. I've protected him from his Mormon family finding out. I've been there for him through his alcoholism. And even now that I've confronted him he cries & says he'd leave me if he saw what I saw on his phone. So he KNOWS it's a deal breaker but won't just say, "hey, I'm sorry. I'm not attracted to you. This is who I am" Oh no. Instead he says "I'm so in love with you, you're all I want in the world". It's so messed up. I need support from someone & I can't tell anybody!!! Please somebody out there, shed some light on this for me.
You husband is cheating on you - no matter with WHO.
That is the real issue.
Marriage Counseling is in order. You need support at this time.
I'm sorry that your so hurt by this. I also went through a stage where I was looking at tranny's. I'm not at all gay, not even attracted to men. Although I love anal sex. I think you should try bringing toys into your sexual relationship. Strap on for him and give it to him good. After he has had his fix it should die out. Its just a stage. Please let me know if it works. Good luck.
You are absolutely justified in your anger. You are angry not because he is Gay. You are angry because he didn't share that part of his truth with you though he might have been aware of it for a long time. He kept misleading you by saying its a phase, its depression, he is tired and hundreds of other excuses he might have given.
Now coming to what he said to you. He really means it when he is saying he loves you. He loves you as his friend and partner in Life. He wants you as his partner. Whatever else he is doing it might be that he is only looking for a hook up. But having said that you both have only 2 options in front of you.
1. Break up and move your different ways
2. Open out your marriage. (Many mixed orientation couples are doing this)
May I ask what are your ages?
If you wish to email me, you can do so on shivangisanghvi at gmail dot com.
Hi I think i am in a similar situation. I am married for 3 yrs now and i have noticed in the past things that made me think is he gay?? to my horror i found a separte phone and on it was just all gay stuff pics etc anyway this was after we were married only 8 weeks!! i was so morto that i forgave him straight away as i didn't want anyone to know. He had a break down and then he got better but we never really talked about it just said it was a phase and that we should move on. thing is our sex life is shit it does not exsit and all i want is a baby now there is more complications with his sperm and bowel issues feel like walking away he still won't admit his gay did your husband admit it??
Thank you for the input. I truly appreciate it. I've decidedthat I will no longer engage with my husband like a husband but more of a relative/friend. He can remain a part of my life & family, he's going to treatment for his alcoholism & I'll support him through that process but I have lost all respect for him as my spouse.
I don't mind that he's gay or bi or whatever he is. That's fine. He can do whatever he wants. Clearly he's been doing it all along anyways.
I'm a strong willed, highly sexual, attractive woman. I don't need to be with a man that wants another man.
Pre op transsexuals may be all woman from the waist up but from the waist down, they're men.
He says it's a fetish.
I say it's a preferrence. A preferrence that's totally fine. But one that I will not be concerned with, I will not engage in any physical or sexual contact with this man. I have no desire to be someones 2nd choice.
Although I believe it to be his preferrence, the sad part about it is he will never truly come out. He will never choose to be in a real relationship with a tranny. Too much stigma attached. He'll continue to hide this part of himself, marry & date women, hide his affinity for same sex liaisons, use the tranny's, use the women & keep going.
We can be friends. But that's it.
Thank you all so much, it's greatly appreciated