I am a 20 year old female living at home with my mother, 'step dad', 2 year old sister, 17 year old brother, and now recently my 23 year old boyfriend. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and he recently got kicked out of his apartment, so my family is allowing him to stay with us until he figures out what he is going to do. his family lives in a city that is 3 hours away from where I live and he has been away from them for many, and I know that he wants to move over there now that he has been kicked out of his house and has little money. He has a wonderful family who cares for me and treats me well, and I know that he wants me to move out there with him. The thing is, I don't like the town he wants to move to, and I would be very far from my family if I were to relocate over there with him. My mother has always helped me financially, which his family cannot do, and I am incredibly attached to my 2 year old sister. We don't have the best relationship either, its filled with breaks ups and make ups, awful fights, and occasionally violence. In my heart I just don't feel right about going away with him because our relationship isn't perfectly stable and hasn't been for a long time. At the beginning of this year I did move in with him and had to leave after 6 months because we fought all the time and I felt incredibly isolated and depressed, being that I was an hour away from my home. if I go with him now it would be 3 hours away, and I just don't feel good about it. It is important to him that he goes and I do want to be with him, but I keep telling him I wont go. every time we talk about it he gets angry with me and we end up fighting.
Now onto my situation: I am not in school, and I just started working again after a year of basically doing nothing but moping around. I take care of my baby sister while my mother works. My place in the house has changed dramatically since I hit 18. my mom and I argue and fight constantly. I struggle with depression and anxiety and it has set me back in life a lot. my mom thinks I am just lazy and useless. I feel like the house maid/punching bag and the second I do something wrong its like world war 3 on me. I know how dramatic and childish that may sound, but that is only because my mother handles things dramatically and childishly. There is no talking things out with her. I have taken emotional abuse and neglect from her my whole life. I am very unhappy in this house, but I do not have the money to move out on my own.
My dilemma is, should I move to that other town with my current boyfriend even though our relationship is shaky? Or should I let him go, and stay at home with my mom- even though I know I am not wanted there nor do I wish to remain living there if I had the choice to leave? the last time I moved out, I did it as an escape to get away from her and it blew up in my face. I just do not know what to do with my life and Im at a point where I feel like I need to start figuring stuff out. I told my boyfriend I would reconsider going with him if he wanted to get married or could show me he knows he wants our relationship to be permanent, but he says the fact that he wants me to move with him should be good enough.
Thank you for your responses and taking the time to read this.
Physical abuse doesn't get better with time, nor does getting married put an end to it. Violence is and has to be unacceptable. You are the only person who can answer your question and I think in time you will know what to do.