Facebook will be the death of us...

Posted by
LOSTANGEL
on Sep 22 2014 at 11:13
Member since: 22 September 2014
Relationship advice forum category advice forum category I lied to my boyfriend about someone on his facebook not wanting us to be together. He got so angry and kept asking who. I couldn't tell him because 1. he will confront this person and it will be utter chaos, 2. Once his friend finds out that I told, he might tell on me, 3. There is no point in knowing who...

The reason I brought it up is because we were fighting about how he hides me from all his social media sites. He posts everything else, and every trip we go to but not once mentions me. He gets mad at me wanting me to hold our relationship to high standards, but i can't when I feel not so "high" in our relationship. He couldn't understand why FB is such a big deal, etc, so I finally just brought up how he proves to some people on facebook right. Anyway, I would not tell him who, and after he got so angry, I lied and said I was lying and that no one said anything. He is so angry at me and now thinks I lied to him.

I can't tell him the truth because, the guy who is saying things about us/him, asked me to marry him and I actually considered it at one point. Nothing physical happened between me and this other guy, but we connected emotionally. He is always telling me my bf is only using me and keeps offering ways to make me happy. My bf told me to quit talking to him months ago, but i didn't stop. We still talk as friends. I can't apologize for lying to my bf because i didn't, but at the same time.. he is going on thinking I lied. I don't really know what to do.

Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Sep 22 2014 at 14:21
Member since: 19 August 2014
Bleugh. Falseface-Book. Love-Me-Book. I'm-So-Fab-Book. It has potential merits only it's overly exploitable by people with issues. Don't get me started.

ARE these FB people actually his real friends or are they just a meaningless audience who get to witness him creating a reflection of himself that he can look at? If they exist as part of his unreal life, I wouldn't blame him for not including you in there. It would feel as if he were labelling YOU unreal. ??

What do you mean, once his friend finds out he might tell on you? Tell on you about WHAT?

I think I know what's going on here. It's as I've implied. These are not really his friends, they're COMPETITORS. And you know what competitors try to do once they see the person they're desperate to beat has something good, don't you? THEY TRY TO STEAL IT OR MANIPULATE IT OUT OF YOUR HANDS. "Hah, I'm better than you because your gf agrees!". This competing via cheating behaviour is RIFE among your age group.

It strikes me he does care about you because he's so overly mad at whomever for trying to make you experience DOUBTS about your relationship with him. He obviously doesn't want to lose you. So again, his reluctance to show you off on FB could be about over-protectiveness rather than lack of pride and commitment.

So would provide the ultimate proof on that score, however, is this question:

Does he try to hide you/your relationship together from his friends and family in REAL life?

If your answer's no, then I'm yelling Bingo!

Oh, wait... I've just read your penultimate paragraph. Case closed already. Of COURSE this guy who wants you all to himself in order to stick it to his competitor/your bf is going to do all he can to make you leave your bf by making you believe you're headed for a sticky end. Duh? What a nasty creep.

Unfriend this control-freak creep who refuses to take no for an answer in response to his lazy attempt to attain a yes by mounting a smear campaign against the competition instead of outshining them by wooing you with impressive behaviour! So WHAT if you gave him an audience for a while back when you weren't as committed and certain about your relationship as you are now? That was then when things were different. What's important is now. If you're REALLY done with this idiot and his constant threat and impediment to your relationship, then vote with your feet to prove your loyalty: "So-and-so said it but I've realised he was just trying to get one over whilst having to nerve to use me as his pawn, so I've unfriended him and think you should do the same. Ugh, with friends like that, who needs enemies!"

I'm sure your boyfriend suspects it's him, anyway. And I repeat: what this creep reckons is your boyfriend's reasons for being with you means diddly squat. You're supposed to be relying on your OWN expedition to 'AreYouTrue?Ville'.

Alternatively, you can strike a deal: "I don't like the fact you won't bring us out of the closet on FB; you don't like the fact I'm FB connected to creep-features...Tell you what - you include me and I'll delete him. Deal?"

After all, he can't have it all HIS way.. Why should you behave in a way he wants in order to make HIM feel safer and more secure if he's not willing to do likewise?

This isn't ABOUT Mr Creepy or Facebleugh, anyway. The pair of you are using him as much as he you. This is about the bog-standard Power Struggle phase you've just entered. 'Whom out of the two of us makes all the personal/life changes and does all of the bending over backwards from here on in?'.

Answer: BOTH. Tit for Tat. You make sure that becomes an explicit union rule, starting now.

Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?