Okay so for a while now Ive been seeing this guy (We are not dating).The first day we hung out we kissed. We felt this connection that was very strong, but there's this girl. She was admittedly his first love but she has no feeling like that towards him. She called him that same day and told him that he was a horrible person for talking to me and for kissing me. Because he loved her he turned on me and said some pretty hateful things. It made me feel pretty worthless. Well it was awhile before I herd from him again but he messaged me on Face Book apologizing for the things he had said. I explained to him that I understood why he did it, love can make us do some pretty stupid stuff. But then we clicked back together right away. He started to come over and spend time with me. Unfortunately I didn't wait to have sex with him, and regrettably i feel as tho I should have waited. But over these days he repeatedly told me I meant a lot to him and that he was waiting for "The Perfect Moment" to ask me to be his girl friend. But the days would pass and that "Perfect Moment" would never come. Me being the worrisome person that I am I asked him if he really liked me, I wanted to know if he was just using me. He told me that its not like that, that he does like me. After a month of us doing everything that couples do I was kinda getting a little restless. Like why do everything couples do if we arnt together. Well he didn't like that. He then got mad at me and said i was clingy and that he told me from day one that I was just a friend with benefits. That he never said he wanted to be with me. And on top of it all posted on Face Book that I had given him a STD (I get checked every month and my tests always come back clean, plus I have only been with 5 guys. The one before him was for two years). I was heart broken. But I let him be. A few weeks later he came back saying that he didn't mean the things that he had said. He constantly says he hates his life and that he is a piece of shit. He also always talks about how he wants to die, that he doesn't fine anything that makes him happy anymore. But what drew me back in was him saying that he could talk to me, that he thinks about me, that he really does like me. I decided to give him a 3rd chance. It was okay after that, we were right back to normal but I decided to not have sex with him anymore, at least not until I was ready again (If we are together and I feel he loves me for me and not just for the sex). But then out of no where he says Im not the girl for him. Says Im not pretty enough, preppy enough, smart enough, im clingy, hyper, too nice, i worry to much. He said he wants the perfect girl. I tried explaining to him that there is no such thing as a perfect girl, that hes looking for someone who doesn't exist. But I let him do what he wanted to do and we agreed on being friends. Now we are stuck in a friend zone. He tells me he didn't mean anything about the perfect girl stuff and really really likes me. He tells me I help him more then I realize. I don't know if he is just playing with me or if he just has a lot of problems and doesn't know how to tell me how he really feels. This guy is very confusing. He has a bad temper, depression, and a drug problem. I can deal with the drugs because I know once he settles his depression he will stop. Its all a chain reaction. But hes eating himself away. I feel as though hes losing site of what is in the future for him. Please help me. PLEASE! This guy means a lot to me.
I really don't think this guy is worth your time. From what you've just described, he seems to be using a push-and-pull method to keep you interested in him while always leaving you waiting/wanting for more. I'm not sure if he's doing it on purpose, but this is actually reminiscent of some manipulative pick-up-artist techniques that some people like to teach.
I would say to think this relationship (or lack thereof) over a few times before you decide if you really want to help him or not - much less get together with him. Are you 100% sure he's really being honest with you in what he says?
Also, try this: List down the pros and cons of getting together with him on a piece of paper and do it as objectively as possible. Once you have it all down on paper, post it in front of your refrigerator or wherever else it might be visible. If you can use it as your computer, tablet or smartphone wallpaper, do it. This will serve to make it clear to your subconscious just how a potential relationship with him objectively stands.
John Alex Clark
If this guy really liked you and needed to be with you, he would be without the excuses. If he loses it and calls you hurtful names and then wants to apologize, then you really need to look at how he views you.
When he lists the reasons why he doesn't want to be with you and then turns around and states that he wants a perfect girl, then I'm sorry, but he'll be waiting forever for her. His immaturity(and selfishness)is shining through and while you allow and enable him to string you along, you will always be confused.
Find someone who respects you for who you are and has the need to be with you. This guy has issues but you don't need to be there to help him deal with them..he has to do it alone.
Your values are apparent in your post, but ask yourself if he shares them with you.
"This guy means a lot to me"
. . . and, duh, WHY is that?
Re-read your own post.
He's a jerk!!!
Liar, user, (and he doesn't even take you out) manipulator, cheater, blamer.
And he means a "lot" to you?