My bf is so private with his phone, what should I do
My boyfriend and me have a really good relationship were both happy and been together for a couple years.
But he's very private with his phone, he says he's always been that way. It makes me uncomfortable. He turns his phone if he's checking it away so that I can't see. If some calls / text him and I'm right next to him he refuses to check until he gets up to stand with the back of his phone facing me. He gets upset every time I tell him how I feel and ends up pissed the rest of the night, stand offish. And makes me feel as of I'm wrong? He says I should trust him. And I do. But the other night, we were playing and I said would you let me play on our phone? And he said yeah, probably thinking I wouldn't grab it, once I did he freaked out and said to give him his phone back. It makes me feel like he's hiding something, but he says I'm wrong and should trust him. He has never gave me a reason not to, but what should I do? I can not be in a relationship with that kind of restriction, but he doesn't agree an thinks it's ok. Am I wrong? Is this normal ? What should I do to make him understand?
If he has never given you a reason to suspect anything (like cheating, etc.) then why the need to see his private items. Do you look at his checkbook or Dr. reports?
He could be looking at porn or discussing business, who knows. But why do you need to know?
No, you're not wrong. There IS no right or wrong because it's a subjective issue, specifically personal preferences and whether both partners match in that respect.
Why on earth would he expect to be trusted when behaving in that untrustworthy manner with his MOBILE PHONE of all things?
Oh, I see. You're supposed to "JUST" trust him...automatically. Yawn.
News for him: trust is like money, specifically, a £ coin. It has to be EARNED. It's not a single entity/denomination, it's like a sum total comprised of COINS. So it's not that you don't trust him, you simply don't trust him to the value of £1 (and nor because you've made the ad-hoc, arbitrary decision to).
Nor would I; I'm with you. My husband and I pick up each other's phone whenever we're passing the table we keep them on and a text has just come in, and read it out loud (as a favour). Nothing to hide? - no defensive, hiding behaviour. Berbom.
That's not to say that if either or both of us had ever had a relationship with a big, fat controller whom, as part and parcel, had always helped him/herself to our phone without ever seeking our permission and no matter our protests, that either one of us wouldn't still be stuck in overly knee-jerk, phone-protective behaviour for however many ensuing months/years. I probably would.
So did he?...have an insecure, controlling, nosy ex who used to constantly stick her beak in to his, what are strictly (as a starting point) private zones? That would explain it, including why he gets instantly het up like that. More to the point, though, it would prove that the person who doesn't trust the other, here, IS HIM (so "mleugh" to him).
But so would a guilty conscience explain it. And that's your whole problem isn't it: one action that can stand for two issues, with you not knowing WHICH.
I don't KNOW what you can do to make him understand, given that you sound perfectly articulate and say you've alredy tried telling him how under threat it makes you feel. Or are you better at expressing yourself on paper? I'm thinking detailed letter. (Try not to make it TOO long cos blokes have shorter spans of attenzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz).