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Does this " about me " text have the desired effect?

Hey, you probably know this "about me" section on online dating sites. I would like to know, which impression a person, who does not know me, has after having read my text. Especially it is important, that it sounds on the one hand self-confident, but by no means arrogant, because I am not arrogant at all. Would you like to get to know a person, who has written this text and why? The text is as follows: "No one is as fast as me: while others are still yawning, I am already sleeping, because only with the right amount of calmness, challenges can be tackled. And I enjoy challenges: only one bachelor is boring, I prefer to do two simultaneously, being delighted about fathoming astonishing relations, casually I regularly have concerts (sometimes soloistic, sometimes together with friends), at times I compose something or I just improvise straight on. Vocationally, my goal is to make fascinating discoveries in my area, which other people can also enjoy - be it because they can be helped or just because of their interest."

Does this " about me " text have the desired effect?

It does seem slightly arrogant if I'm honest And the "2 bachelors at a time" sounds slightly dodgy but that could just be my mind!

Does this " about me " text have the desired effect?

Thank you, but which part sounds arrogant: "challenges can be tackled", "only one bachelor is boring, I prefer to do two simultaneously", the use of the word "casually" or another one? So should I better remove the "2 bachelors at a time"?

Does this " about me " text have the desired effect?

Honestly, the opening line sounds a little more on the arrogant than on the confident side. Specifically, "No one is as fast as me: while others are still yawning, I am already sleeping." The fact that you're comparing yourself with others and putting them under you while raising yourself up in your description is what seems a bit arrogant. Perhaps if you removed the comparisons and just said, "I am the fastest." "Only one bachelor is boring" honestly sounds like you're spreading yourself thin -- if you know what I mean. The line about concerts is also a bit confusing. I'm not sure if you mean literal concerts or if you're talking in metaphors.

Does this " about me " text have the desired effect?

Thank you, I would not have expected this at all, because the opening line was actually meant to be funny. Good to know, that the actual effect to an unknown person can deviate so drastically. And if the two bachelors sound like spreading myself thin, I better remove that. In the line about concerts I mean literal ones. What makes you being unsure about this? Considering your criticism, I have revised the text, so what do you think about the following: "I am a person, who enjoys challenges: I like to think about difficult problems and to fathom astonishing relations, I regularly perform in concerts, for which at times I compose something or I just improvise straight on. Vocationally, my goal is to make fascinating discoveries in my area, which other people can also enjoy - be it because they can be helped or just because of their interest."

Does this " about me " text have the desired effect?

I think the second draft is a lot better I don't think there is anything wrong with saying you are fast but I agree with John - saying you are faster than everyone else is a bit cocky and arrogant, there are other ways of saying it.

Does this " about me " text have the desired effect?

So thank you both for reading all this stuff. Since you (Sarah) called it a draft, does it mean, that there is anything else to change or should I really use it as written in my last posting?

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