So I'm new here , but have an issue thati don't feel I can really talk to anyone else about . My hubby and I have been married for 7 years , I have always had a higher sex drive than him . He is 50 now and I am 36 ...we met when he was 40 . There were no sexual problems at all in the first year or so ..Then it just tapered off . He never initiates and I hardly do any more now due to just feeling unloved and resentment at having to make all the effort ( not just sexual either).
Anyway , we are routinely having 'talks ' usually when I get so fed up after 3 or 4 months of no sex .we just had a major talk around a month ago , and things improved for a couple of weeks then tapered off again . We made love on Sunday of this week , which was great but still I kind of had to push for it .
Now .....last night I went to bed late , after he did . I went into the bedroom and his phone was on the bed beside his pillow plugged in to his charger. He was out cold . I picked up the phone to put it in the bedside table ( worried about burning the bed !) And in doing so I presseda button and a page appeared from a porn website . It was like a page for different videos . But things popped out at me that make me concerned . There were words like 'HoRNY teen' and sweet young blonde ..etc ....but there were also other things like 'mature brunette ' and 'milf' ...etc .....now ...my question is ....is this normal for a porn Web page ? Or should I be concerned about the nature of what he could 'possibly ' have been looking at ?? ( I do not know what he watched ) ......and also ....should I be concerned he has no interest in me but has an appetite for porn ??
I'm worried and feel like I have to do something but I'm so tired of all the talks that get us nowhere !! Is it time for a councilor ?
Any help much appreciated .
I think that's pretty standard stuff for a porn site so I don't think it means he was specifically looking for teens etc.
It does show he still has an appetite for sex though.
I don't think his reluctance is about how he feels about you but more about how he feels about himself. Maybe he feels inadequate ? Just an idea. I know that men often have fragile egos and if you have been bemoaning a lack of sex it could possibly have contributed to these feelings - if indeed he has them.
When you do have sex is it always good or have there ever been times where he has felt like he didn't perform etc
This is just the thing that came to mind when I read your post - I could be way off track but I think it is worth considering
Thank you for your reply Super Sarah , I'm relieved about the first part for sure. I'm not a visitor to porn websites so I have no idea what is acceptable on there or if it's all just one big melting pot of different stuff . I have absolutely no problem with him using porn , in fact it does make me feel better that he is actually having those urges . But I do have a problem when he shows no sexual interest in me . He is very loving and affectionate but has always been kind of awkward when it comes to getting down to it . When we do have sex it is very good and he is super turned on etc . But it takes us lying there in awkward silence with it hanging in the air ...then him rubbing his feet up my leg or something like that before I actually move into him then it's on . It's never clear that he wants to have sex . Around a year ago he did have some issues with maintainING and election and he tried vial is but has now settled on viagra ( he uses half ) ....and things are awesome in that department now .But again ....I kind of have to remind him to take it . I hear what you are saying about him feeling off about me bemoaning to him about things but honestly , it's not like that . I feel like if I left it , nothing would be done or said ever !! And I only bring it up after a couple of months or so without any effort from him . Not sure about anyone else but to me that's a long time . The longest was 6 months . I'd say on average we have sex maybe 4 times in a year . That's frustrating to me . Especially when during every talk we have he is emphatically reassuring me that he loves me he finds me desirable he wants me and he just gets caught up in work or whatever . If he was to tell me that he simply does not find me attractive or has no interest in sex with me ...I'd kind of understand...I'd be devastated ...but I'd understand this more and be more likely to make a major decision one way or another . Every other aspect of our life is great . We have a fantastic son who is our world , we get on great , and we are very laid back and happy in life . It's just this issue . For me anyway ....maybe he's just lazy ? Or content to just let things tick along ....I don't know ...but I do know I'm not really happy with it .