Sexually and emotionally frustrated
My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months. We have a very happy, comfortable relationship, but lately a few things have been bothering me a lot, and I'm wondering if it's time to end the relationship.
First of all, he never gets upset over anything, and if I get upset or frustrated, he just looks at me blankly and says "I don't understand." I'll try and try to explain to him why I'm upset/hurt/frustrated, but he doesn't get it. He doesn't try to comfort me or make me feel better. He just tells me to stop worrying or being stressed out.
Secondly, I'm extremely frustrated with our sex life. I can count on one hand the number of times sex has lasted longer than 3 minutes. The fact that I rarely have an orgasm doesn't seem to even concern him. Yes, he does sometimes go down on me, but I would much rather have him finger me, and he clearly has no idea what he's doing with his fingers. It's uncomfortable and a turn off. He'd rather use lube than take the time to get me turned on and ready for sex. I told him recently that I want to talk about sex, and he put it off, saying that he doesn't want me to be upset.
Even if I do manage to sit him down and talk to him about these problems, I doubt he's going to change his behavior. I just don't know what to do. I love him and it would very hard to end things with him, but I don't think I can put up with this for much longer.
The man is clueless when it comes to sex and intimacy. You need to sit him down and tell him straight where he stands. This is your only option if you are considering ending it.
You also need to ensure that he shares your standads and that you and him are actually on the same page because it wouldn't matter who he was with, if he doesn't understand the basics of a intimate relationship then he'll never be any good for anyone, let alone you.
Yes, he can change, but that's entirely up to him and how much value he places on your relationship together.
"MANAGE" to sit him down, note.
"I told him recently that I want to talk about sex, and he put it off, saying that he doesn't want me to be upset."
That's just an avoidance justification attempt, him playing dumb, and akin to stealing someone's cash off of them whilst telling them it's purely because you don't want them to suffer the possibility of getting mugged (so it's for their own good).
No, he just doesn't want the hassle, can't be a*sed. He doesn't want the hassle of having to have any emotional issue confrontation as calls for fixing by changing habits and altering his attitudes/behaviour; he doesn't want the hassle of having to work longer than 5 minutes to get his rocks off (and chooses cunnilingus because he's always believed it's the fastest method there is for all women)... He doesn't want to take ANY responsibility or do ANY work or subsequently have to account for it. You can just like it or lump it whilst he gets the entire relationship all on HIS terms.
Back to this 'lately'. Are you saying it's always been like this but only lately have you woken up to it (whereby it's now proving too much)? Or are you saying he wasn't like this before, only fairly recently?
I have a friend who will send her steak back to the kitchen three times if it's not done the way she likes it - but can't seem to tell her husband what she likes and how she wants thing in bed. So she complains all the time about their sex life.
Tell and show him what you like. "I like it when you . . . " could you move it here or there?" No, I'm not ready, do that more to get me ready . . .etc. etc.
If he gets mad about that, then dear, get out of this relationship. A man who does not learn to please a woman has no desire to really love her.