I'm married but in love with best friend's girl
I'm married and for the last ten years I've been in love with one of my friends girlfriends who happens to be a very good friend of mine also, maybe my best friend, never once did I act on my feelings besides some harmless flirting and joking. I never said a word of how I felt about her to anyone, we always hung out a lot together, and have always Been there for each other through a lot over the years, about 2 months ago my wife and I separated,and she moved out. when this happened my friend and I started hanging out even more she was really there for me and helped me with a lot of my current situation, one night while we were watching a movie I was lying on the couch and I looked at her and held my arms out like I wanted to hold her, she without hesitation jumped into my arms and I held her through the night softly caressing each other and holding hand, it was a feeling I cannot explain. Things have escalated since that night and have been getting better and better. I love her more than I have ever loved a woman including my spouse. Now her boyfriend, my good friend of 15 years who she lives with, is suspecting things as well as my soon to be ex wife. I know if we continue what we are doing it will cause major issues, but she makes me so happy, and I do the same for her. I havnt been this happy in many years. And I've never felt this way with another person, my wife is begging me to work things out and it weighs on me very much because she is a wonderful woman, but no matter what all I can think about is being with the one I love, 10 Years is a long time to hold such strong feelings inside and now that I showed her, and she wants me to, I don't wanna let her go. What should I do??? Any advice will be appreciated. I'm just not sure if I should continue to do what I'm doing and be happy, or work things out with my wife and go back to the way things were, which wernt very good, and tell the one I really love to go back to her boyfriend and unhappy life.
This is such a difficult situation you are in!!!
On one hand you have your friend of 15 years and your wife and on the other hand you have the love of your life. Which path to choose?
If you do decide to take the path of following your heart and starting a life with your love then do be prepared to lose your wife, your friend and many mutual friends you all had for good. But, if you do decide to take that path you must ensure that the relatiinship you risked everything for WILL last. Before you jump ships, do make sure you have a solid foundation created. The last thing you want is losing everything, getting together with your love and then realising you made a big mistake.
You have the 2nd option of staying with your wife and living in a unhappy loveless marriage. If you did decide to take that path then you would have to walk away from the girl that you have loved for the last 10 yrs.
Before taking any drastic steps, you do have a lot of thinking to do. Do you feel you have tried everything to make your marriage work? Have you got children you need to consider? If yes, would the thought of them not having a father in their life on a regular basis be enough for you to try and give your marriage another go? This time perhaps if you cut all ties with the love of your life you may just be able to focus on your marriage.
"I know if we continue what we are doing it will cause major issues, but she makes me so happy"
Oh, well, in that case, why not just go out and mug a fortune off some little old lady. All that extra cash would probably make you happy as well, yeah?
Are you even listening to yourself?
Third option corrected: stay with your wife and do all it takes (including couples counselling) to make it a LOVE-filled marriage. Giving your wife BOTH eyes instead of always having had one them constantly fixed on another woman would be a start, don't you think?
"Second" option: Tell your wife the truth instead of leaving her to dangle painfully at your leisure and pleasure - that given the choice you don't even WANT the marriage any more, you just don't want to risk ending up on your own without a woman per se for whatever length of time because you're consumed with your OWN interests and s*d anyone else's.
Cease using other people like their happiness doesn't matter whatsoever compared to your own, just so you can hedge your bets and keep your options open. "What goes around, comes around" and you'd better believe it or not come crying once your life starts irretrievably going down the pan in direct natural consequence for causing major trauma to people who don't deserve that victimisation, having never done you any harm.
Don't try to offload half the guilt and blame onto this mistress figure. Yes, she's aiding and abetting adultery, but ONLY YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS *MARRIED* AND MADE A PERSONAL AND PUBLIC VOW TO FORSAKE ALL OTHERS TIL DEATH (or divorce) DO YOU PART.
You were never both feet in with your wife to begin with because like I say (10 years!), you always had one eye on BF's partner instead of both on her like you were supposed to if you were ever going to be properly involved in making the marriage you signed up for work.
This man may be YOUR friend but you are not his. That woman may be YOUR spouse but you are not hers. Look what you're already doing to the poor duo!!! What ELSE of his do you covet? Do you want his house and car, as well? Is that what this is about? Or is it just a side-bonus? Or does it not even feature in your thinking because - you, you, YOU?
Oh, you know how to SOUND like a nice guy, don't you. But your actions ALREADY, let alone those you now seek social permission in forging ahead with, STINK TO HIGH HEAVEN.
"Without hestitation". WITHOUT HESITATION? Most normal, even just FAIRLY decent people find crossing the adultery line, thereby crashing through so many moral and social taboos, *impossible*. They say, 'No, we can't, we musn't, think about what this would do to X and Y and-and-and..', followed by exerting adult self-control. At worst, they immediately END their existing relationships instead of stringing the other people along merely for the sake of own convenience, wait a decent period, and THEN get it on.
(Option 1:) THAT - disembarking the ship honourably - or seeing through your responsibility (that at the time you were all too willing to take on) by getting back into the marital boat and PROPERLY ROWING THIS TIME - are the only options open to a human being of worth.
Pick a life echelon and lasting quality therein while you still have a choice.
If you're deeper down a decent person, you'll not like this ruddy great lecture but in x years you'll wish you could thank me.
I just hope there are no children involved, right?
You and this gal will have to move away in order to start over. Too many tangled webs here, and oh, how you have spun your own tangled web.
As Soulmate said, you never were really into the marriage at all, anyway.
Sounds like you two need to screw up the courage to come clean, profess your love and steal away into the night. Trouble is, reality will get in the way. You don't even know if this gal has the courage to do what you fantasize.