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My Husband Takes Photos Of Other Women

Posted by
NOTAGIRL
on Sep 26 2014 at 08:29
Member since: 26 September 2014
Relationship advice forum category advice forum category My husband and I have been together 19yrs. We are on a dream o/s trip. Tonight my husband spent 90 mins in a public spa at our hotel, I later found two photos of another woman in the spa, evidently another hotel patron. The photos were taken of her from behind, revealing her body from hips up, she appeared quite attractive. I confronted him, he said he asked her permission and was taking a photo of the view, (which was lovely). I pointed out he would not do this if it were a woman he found unattractive or it was a man. He has since apologised. I am sulking now while he has gone out drinking on his own. Am I overreacting?
My husband takes photos of other women
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Sep 26 2014 at 11:20
Member since: 19 August 2014
From the hips up? Her back, the back of her head and arms? You'd have thought a man with lascivious intentions would at least go for an a*se shot.

It sounds like as a photographer he knows landscapes are a bit boring without a person in them. I do that. And I wouldn't want someone overweight and out of shape ruining the scene, either. It would defeat the object of scene enhancement as well as take too much focus away from the scene itself.

Yep, it sounds to me like you're misinterpreting. Or picking on then trying to shoehorn the wrong evidence to explain pre-existing feelings.

How were you feeling BEFORE you found this photo? Have you found yourself disappointed at the romantic reality of he and you on this long-awaited holiday compared to what you'd long dreamt up? Are you background-hoping a fight will lead to make-up sex?

My husband takes photos of other women
Reply from
NOTAGIRL
on Sep 26 2014 at 11:50
Member since: 26 September 2014
Thanks for your response. I'm surprised, I really thought it was inappropriate, but hearing you say otherwise helps me reconsider my judgement...

We have been having some problems in the past year or so and there has been some tension between us on this trip. This has nothing to do with make up sex. He has, in our past, done some insensitive things relating to other women; including a request to a prostitute for a threesome on our honeymoon, and soon after our return, going back to another woman's flat, with me in tow because I felt threatened, I suppose, (he was quite happy to let me go home alone on this occasion). To my knowledge he has never been intimate with another woman however.

These moments seem to happen when he has been drinking, which, I believe, is another problem of his. He has a high libido and I have often felt he is obsessed with sex, which, I suppose, adds to my concerns.

Me? I guess I'm pretty insecure, though am reasonably attractive, all things considered. I guess these kind of behaviours doesn't help... My libido is flailing since having our third child, who has an intellectual and physical disability. I understand I may not be satisfying him, but a part of me feels he is too demanding, and, as already stated, insensitive.

I will try to be open minded, given your response. It's good to have a neutral perspective on this and I hope you're right :-)

My husband takes photos of other women
Reply from
NOTAGIRL
on Sep 27 2014 at 09:16
Member since: 26 September 2014
Being my first foray into a forum and, after a bright, new day, I can see this problem is not so serious as others that have been posted...

But please, could I get one or two other (brief & honest) perspectives?

THANKYOU

My husband takes photos of other women
Reply from
SOULMATE (moderator)
on Sep 27 2014 at 15:05
Member since: 19 August 2014
Well, then, it's quite simple: he refuses to communicate in order to lay access to some underlying issue as has been causing this behaviour, so you're trying to use this photograph as a catalyst for a fight in the hope distractionary heat of the moment will make him spill. You want it got to the bottom of and dealt with because [1] it's spoiling the long-awaited dream trip and [2] at long last you have the time and energy (which you want to capitalise on).

Quite right, too.

However...

"including a request to a prostitute for a threesome on our honeymoon"

That, missus, (assuming he was serious) is not just 'insensitive'. PFF, DO WHAT?! Me, I'd have interrogated him (to make sure), and (if so) annulled the marriage on the spot!

Why didn't you?

"To my knowledge he has never been intimate with another woman however."

TO MY KNOWLEDGE, noted. You're not quite certain about your knowledge, are you - leopards and spots considered.

"These moments seem to happen when he has been drinking, which, I believe, is another problem of his. He has a high libido and I have often felt he is obsessed with sex, which, I suppose, adds to my concerns."

Define 'obsessed', please? And define 'drinking' (how many, how often)? A naturally high libido doesn't usually need alcohol to bring it out. However, alcohol can bring a long-held issue to the the fore as causes expressivity in a certain manner, this case, sex-obsessiveness.

How often (times per week) does he want to have sex (excluding when under the influence) and how often do you?

Are you insecure per se or does he render you insecure?

Was it that he was more or less suitable/manageable enough when you were kid-free, but that now your kid is through no fault of his or yours, very high maintenance, this man has proven himself incapable of stepping up to the challenge?

PS: " I can see this problem is not so serious as others "

Yeeeeah - nice try. ;-)

Discussion closed - why not create your own thread?