Need to leave my husband
In have 2 very young children with my husband of 3 years. We've been together 10 years. Over the years he has turned me from an independent person to a shadow of who i used to be. He has cheated oN me a number of times and is mentally and verbally abusive. I know all of this yet i can't seem to leave. I have no friends left and my family are all very distant so i literally have nobody but him, our kids and his family. He's constantly messaging girls saying he wants to be with them etc but when i confront him he turns everything around on me and makes everything my fault. To the point I end up apologising... i know i need to leave i just have no idea how to. I have nobody to talk to. I'm so down.
Hey there. I wish I knew about this site a year ago. Around the same time you were going through your hard times and needed someone, maybe just to vent to, maybe to tell you what you wanted to hear or maybe hear or read others problems, cause then yours would not seem as bad. A year ago, almost to date, mine went to jail the first time for DV (Domestic Violence). Guys are strange creatures.... They will treat us like we are special, sexy, exciting, and loved. As soon as things start getting "real" they are no where to be found. Now, I know there are men out there that suck it up and put their big boy panties on, take care of their families and responsibilities. They are very hard to find, and sometimes we don't know that they are right in front of us and push them away. We get scared too, but being women, we open up, usually, and express our feelings, thoughts and concerns. When its not reciprocated, I know I get upset, then it leads to a fights. So, basically it was me that caused the fight, and I apologize because he didn't do what I wanted or expected him to do. I don't know what guys think marriage is all about. To me it's a partnership, it's being excepting, understanding, trust, love and the main thing communication. If there is a break down in communication, FIX IT RIGHT AWAY!! The longer the values of marriage get dismissed the more likely you are to get taken advantage of and see how far they are get until the hammer comes down. Once they know that we will love them no matter what, it's harder for us to get our self esteem back, our self worth, our identity and respect for ourselves. Everyone says it gets better once you take that first step to either leave him or basically take control of your life again. It is hard, it really is, and since you still love him and you want the family you thought you had, you would sacrifice your own dignity and pride for your family and your kids. Just remember, even though our little ones are young they know when things aren't right. Our babies deserve to grow up in a happy home. The question you have to ask yourself, is it better knowing that he is messing around and lying to you, isn't thinking of his family he only cares about himself. Or pack up the kids, find your own place and get out there while you are still young. I know your heart and head aren't always on the same side, but the one thing that they are on the same side about are your kids. What is in the kids best interest? Keep your eyes, ears, and your gut feeling on extra overtime. I hope that things are better for you now and you are stronger each day for your little ones and yourself.
And btw, mommy groups aren't the best to talk about your marital drama. Most are judgmental and intrusive. I have made a handful of friends out of like like 8 mommy groups, but they are super nice. Basically, women like us that are trying to reach out but aren't looking for bake sale weekends, church camping trips and group gardening. I like my space and alone time, and its hard with kids (they even follow me to the bathroom). Just hope you are doing well. Take care.
Well, of COURSE you don't have anyone close right now. Who WOULD when having to deal daily with a chronically breaking heart? You have only so much energy and attention to give and lately, especially, it needs to go on you and your kidlets.
What you're saying is you're too cold to even put your gloves on. Well, first thing's first, surely? You move OUT of the freezer and THEN can put your gloves on.
Stop judging the future by the quality (or lack of) of today, it's illogical (, Captain). Or do you tend to traverse the school path in one bionic leap? LOL No, you don't. You take one step, then another, then another until eventually you've arrived at where you intended to be.
Paths are paths.
You KNOW this. So you're just making excuses. Particularly as you're long a single mother already by the sounds of it.
What's the REAL reason you can't muster the energy and conviction? Money? Does he financially abuse you as well?
Also - no-one to talk to? What are we - chopped liver? ;-p
Aw, for flip's sake - I've only just noticed this thread is over a year old! (Talk to myself, why don't I? LOL)