I'll cut the chase. I am having this "friends-with-benefits" kind of relationship with a guy. Now let me clarify this, never did I see myself to go for something "easy-hookies" or never did I ever done this sort of thing with anyone else. It just happened? I am that kind of girl who only do Long term relationship. So, for me this is all kind of new. J (let's call him that) , we met 3-4 years ago. He was 18 and I was 16 by that time. We flirted, he would always call me, text me etc. But we didn't get too far from that. Then some time between 2011-2013 we lost contact , no calls, no texts.. just nothing. Suddenly I got a text from him (Jan 1 2014) , he asked me how was I and if I wanted to meet up with him to catch up :). We talked as if nothing'd happened or as if we didn't lost communication. I met up with him and that's how it started. It just happened. We went out, we talked, went to the cinema ... then he brought me back home..and suddenly he kissed me as he was about to say goodbye. I thought that would be the end of it. Yah know, that "spur of the moment" stuff. It didn't. I forgot to mention that we have the same circle of friends. For a couple of months, we would just be kissing, hugging and making out. And when we' re together anyone would think that we're together, but we are not. The month of June came.. and that's where I slept with him. Let me get this straight tho, I never did this kind of thing and I never slept with someone whom I am not with, per say relationship with. But with him, I literally ate my words. It was too late when I realize I was too attached. And sleeping with him didn't make it any easier. Then I told myself, I should distance myself.. because I don't wanna fall for him.. :) Now whenever he would text me, I would always ignore it or answered after a few days. But, I can' t stop! I mean, whenever I'd thought he already forgot about me, he would suddenly make his presence known.
The thing is, we never talked .. about us.. about our relation. Or about what's been going on. We went with the flow. And this is.. how it ended up.
It just that I can't understand myself. I don't wanna be in a relationship with him. But I want him. I don't wanna get so attached, but I am.
I wanna forget about him, but I can't. I wanna stop, but .. I like him so much.
My first impulse is to tell YOU to grow up: say what you mean and mean what you say. But HE seems just as indecisive.
So there you sit - just because you two got intimate without really having a discussion. You had the time, it just didn't get done.
Unless you two talk about what all this means, you are going to be hanging. (Somehow I think you like the excitement of it all, however)
I already tried talking to him about the two of us. I tried many times, and a girl can only take that much. He just ignored it or pretended he hadn't heard me at all. That's when I decided to stop opening a topic regarding the both of us. And I thought it was really cool between the two of us. You know, no commitment and stuffs... where I am not obligated to text/call/whatever him and the same goes for him. And I am okay with it. But he started acting as if I am his girlfriend. Lately, I've been ignoring him.. and I think he got used to it already where we won't talk for a long time and bam one day it's okay again. Again.
You're probably right. I like the excitement, he became a challenge to me. He made me get out of my comfort zone, that's why I couldn't stop even if I want to.
The thing is, I know he probably would never talk to me about our 'status'. And I don't really know if I also should try again. It's been 8/9ish months, and I know I am in a situation where .. it's a loose end.
Hi you need to figure out what it is you want and stick with it.
Why don't you want a relationship? You both are single, no body gets hurt?!!!
Both of you need to sit down and figure out where you are at. What do you want?
Believe me, I wanna slap myself for making a decision and not doing it. If only would it be that easy though. He's a nice guy and probably a boyfriend material. It just that, I am still not ready to be in a relationship again. That's why I was totally okay with our little set-up of just hooking up. But, he's making me second guess everything, with his actions and such's. And when he is acting like that, it's scaring me..
Because I don't really know what he wants. Knowing him he will never start a conversation regarding our rendezvous. && it's exhausting for me to try and always the one who's trying. It's just sad on my part, because I was the one who is/was always playing the -cool/aloof/i dont care- part and now I am the one who is overly attached.
I understand what you're going thru. A lot of people I know go thru similar situations. Honestly, you guys have gone WAY past the friendship line. If you I find that keep constant contact thru text messages or hanging out WILL highly influence how close you grow to that person. Like it or not sad to say. :/ Also, I just anted to note that if you're growing that close to someone and you're not ready for a relationship or you're unclear how the other person is feeling (by the looks of things, it doesn't seem like he wants a relationship), that kind of close contact is only going to be for your damage. :(
I've linked 2 magazines that have 2 articles that I think will help you.
The 1st article starts on page 15 of the 1st link.
The 2nd article starts on page 16 of the 2nd link.
I hope these help. Goodbye for now. I wish you the best.