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Boyfriend's best friend who is female treats me like dirt

Posted by
on Sep 28 2014 at 05:52
Member since: 28 September 2014
Relationship advice So I live with my boyfriend. We really love each other and we get along great most of the time. My family actually likes him, hes the first one they have liked. I live with him and his grandparents and his mom, dad and brothers live next door. So I am surrounded by his family. Which in itself is hard enough. I already feel like they dont want me around. It was his idea that I move in with him (otherwise id have to go to texas with my family).

He has a 'best friend' that hes known since he was like 14 (he is 25). I dont mind him having female friends. One of his ex gfs hangs out with us and I am fine with her. Shes nice to me and is a decent human being. I am not jealous. I am not worried that he will cheat on me. That is one thing I am certain of.

This best friend of his has done many horrible things to me and he has let her do them. I tell him everything. Every way I feel we talk about everything that bothers either of us.

He tells me he wont talk to her anymore (she only uses him)and then the next time after he says that, that she comes over or calls he turns around and tells me I am unreasonable and crazy. There are a few other things he does that most people wouldnt put up with. I always tell him that girl is the only part of his life I cant handle. He always says sorry and he wont talk to her over and over but he does it again and every time he tells me Im unreasonable.

I dont want her negativity in my life. I am stuck there right now until I can get a second job and save up to get my own place. She just shows up whenever she wants.

She tells everyone that Im no good and tells my bf to leave me. She does stuff she knows I cant stand just to upset me. I cant live this way and I tell him that. I dont think he takes me seriously.

I just feel lost and hopeless because he just keeps lying to me. I dont know what to do or how to deal with this.

I really love him I just cant deal with this girl.

I have a hard time letting go when someone wrongs me. I am going to go to therapy to try to help me deal with letting go. I just wish I didnt care. But I have spent a long time in a previous relationship because it was 'easier' than to start over alone but I finally realized Its better to be single and happy than not single and unhappy.

I dont know what to do.

I know he loves me but he just doesnt seem to respect me or take me seriously.

I need help :/

I am 27 hes going to be 26 in November. I am the longest relationship hes had. My longest was 4.5 years.

I can be pretty emotional sometimes and I dont like that I am that way. I just wish stuff didnt bother me. Like it would just bounce off me and I would be fine emotionally when people wrong me.

Boyfriend's best friend who is female treats me like dirt

Reply from
on Sep 28 2014 at 23:11
Member since: 24 September 2014
First off , sorry you are going through this right now . It can be horrible especially when you are living in someone else's home .

I really get the sense that , even though you keep saying that your boyfriend loves you , won't cheat on you etc actually are aware that these things may in fact , not be the case . If you love someone , respect and taking someone seriously usually come under that umbrella . He is not displaying these things to you in any way . The fact he continues to go against your wishes , after agreeing with you about what he will / won't do ....and then tells you youre being unreasonable and crazy is not ok . Having said that .....This girl is his friend , you have to be able to accept that he may have friends that you do not necessarily like and he should be able to determine who is good for him and who is not .

But again ...The fact he continues to choose this person over you , when you have voced ( reasonable in my opinion) concerns ,speaks volumes about how he feels about you . Only you can decide now how you proceed with this relationship after this time of him treating you this way . People will only treat us the way we allow ourselves to be treated . Meaning ...He will continue to do this as long as you are gullible enough to let him . Is there a reason you cannot go back to Texas to start a fresh with your own family around you as a support system ? It doesn't sound like you have one in place at the moment .

At 27 , you should be well on your way to really knowing who you are , what you are capable of , what you want from life and what , exactly , you want in a life partner . You have ' realized ' before that you can live quite happily on your own ...maybe it's time to rediscover that life again until you decide what you want from a relationship . Nobody says it's easy , relationships take work , a lot of work ...but they need both parties to be equally committed in order for them to be successful . If you continue to allow people to take advantage of your better nature , you will never find an equal partnership .

Also ...I don't know you personally , but you sound like a loving and gentle person , I don't think what is being done to you is fair so I don't think you are over reacting emotionally at all . But again , only you can decide how to deal with it .

Good luck with everything ....time is a healer so don't be scared to move on xx

Boyfriend's best friend who is female treats me like dirt

Reply from
on Sep 28 2014 at 23:49
Member since: 27 December 2013
Oh dear, you really are "trapped" - physically and emotionally.

You said: "I know he loves me but he just doesnt seem to respect me or take me seriously."

No, no he really does not "love" you. He uses you and does not support you or your needs. He puts other people's feelings ahead of you.

The sooner you accept that, the sooner you will be able to leave and take care of yourself.

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