My boyfriend and I are living in two different countries. The first time we met was a year and half ago when he was in my hometown as a tourist. We went out several times and I showed him around the city. Soon we fell for each other and decided to continue our relationship even after his departure, via the internet. After a few months he came back to my country to meet my parents. He rented an apartment here so I could see him everyday at his place. He stayed for a month and so. After that we went on two trips overseas together. It took altogether 3 weeks and he paid for everything as I didn't have much money. We really had a great time, but he thinks trips are so ideal and people still cannot get to know each other that well; They need to see each other in real life. I think he's right and I agreed to move to his hometown and live with him. I failed getting a tourist visa though. After consulting with different lawyers we realized that the only possible way for us is to get a fiance visa which allows me to stay with him for 9 months, but we are supposed to get married at the end of this period according to the immigration laws, and if we don't I just have to leave the country.
We are really attracted to each other, and it's the first time that I'm deeply in love with a guy. I think I've found the right person and he has everything I was looking for in a man. He also has the same feeling towards me and he says I'm his first love as he was never involved in a long-term relationship before. We are so desperate to meet again but these problems are in our way:
1. He has become so concerned about financial matters recently, he wants to stay at his job and save more money for the next six months. So he can't come to my country anymore as it costs him heaps and he'll lose his job.
2. He says he loves me so much BUT he is not ready for marriage yet. He is the same age as me, 27.
3. The visa process may take long. There were people who waited 8-12 months. We (especially him) don't want to wait so long without being able to meet during that time.
10 days ago, I thought we'd better to break up if there is nothing to do, but he asked me not to, he gave me hope about making things alright and he said he will do the fiance visa no matter what. However, he hasn't done anything about it yet and the only thing he says is that he is so pessimist about it and he is kind of sure it would take at least one year! Sometimes he talks contradictory. I can't understand what really goes on on his mind! It's a very tough situation for both of us. But I don't like to be hopeful about something that is not gonna happen and left heart broken at the end. I wanna know if this guy is really serious about our relationship or not? What do you think about his intentions in general?
Do you have any suggestions for saving this relationship and leading it into a better phase?
He's not really trying very hard to make this work, is he?
That ought to tell you he's not ready for marriage, or even a commitment.
Too young, too immature?
Go home and see if he follows you or finds a way to work this out.
I have to tell you, I don't think he's completely off. I too was in a relationship with a man from another country. Well, I came here today with an issue in my marriage with that same person. Believe me, you really don't know a person after that little time and you should both be questioning everything. He's right about the papers taking that long too. And don't think that after he's here that is the end of papers. In total we've been "working on papers" for about 4 years now. He is with me living here and we are married, but it has NOT been easy. Beyond worrying about the papers you deal with a person adjusting to a new culture, *finding a job in a new country*, and on top of that, the two of you figuring out how to live together. Unless you have loads of money to make all of that easier, it will be challenging. The fiance visa will require you to get married and submit new paperwork within 90 days of him entering the country. Please inform yourselves of all that entails before making the decision. Check out visajourney.com to read about what is done. It is thousands of dollars over time and you really need to be sure about the person. I have been asked if I would do it again and sadly my answer is NO. I was not prepared and we did not know each other well enough to make a decision like that. Not to say I don't love my husband but we have had LOTS of problems which has taken their toll on our relationship. If there is any way you can live in his country for awhile before making the decison, do it. I swear I am not trying to tell you not to do it, but be prepared for everything.