My boyfriend secretly filmed me having a shower and he doesnt know that I know
Ok I will try and keep it as brief as I can.
One afternoon I returned from the gym after work, everything was normal, boyfriend was sitting casually on lounge I gave him a kiss and a quick hello and bounced off the shower. I came out and went to bedroom to get dressed and closed the door most of the way. I'm in there for 30seconds and just catch my boyfriend getting up and heading towards bathroom, it was just lucky I was facing the door and caught the shadow, I was only suspicious cause he was so quiet about it. So I open door and wait maybe 15 seconds to see if he comes back into lounge room and I still cant hear anything, no toilet, or tap running, so I walk towards bathroom where the light is on. I'm almost there and I say "Babe, what are you doing?" and in one big movement he turns swiftly and goes into toilet( the door is next to bathroom) and closes the door. I noticed his phone was in his hand I heard a distinct sound of the video recorded button being pressed. I was frozen with confusion, didn't try to bust into toilet and demand his phone just asked questions through closed door until he finished "going to the toilet". He comes out and I press him for answers and get no logical replies, and he eventually blows up and he said "if you/re even thinking I recorded you that im breaking up with you" " you make me sick" "im sick of this shit" and just general abuse. I'm shocked by his anger and think maybe the reasons he gave me where true, but I still have no explanation for the phone noise. Needless to say I'm completely rocked and my gut is screaming something isn't right, and a pretty horrible night follows with my mind just so confused my stomach feeling sick and my boyfriend acting like nothing has happened.
Anyway about a month after this happens im going through his phone one night cause he's snoring away and I'm wide awake. I come across an app called "video safe" I try a couple pins and get access on third try, it wasn't even hard. I open it up expecting to find a stash of his favourite porn movies and theres only one with a blurry picture I click on it and watch for 22mins my boyfriend of over 5 years setting up his phone in a little hiding spot arranging it the best he can to record the shower and then me come in, totally oblivious. Once I started watching it and knew what it was I didn't feel shock, cause I think deep down I knew, but now I know and I have no idea how to deal with this. I cant believe I am in this position. There is a pretty unstable history between us and im happy to provide more information but I am so so so shocked that he would do something like this. I found it three days ago and I'm struggling.
Please any help or advice or someone to talk to would be greatly appreciated...
Lots of lovers take pictures of each other - but they agree and know about it together. His sneaky behavior is troubling.
Bring up the subject again. Tell him that you hope that if he ever wanted pics of you, he would bring it up and there would be a mature discussion if that's something you would want to do.
If he is a "peeping tom" then this is not about you at all. He gets more buzz out of the sneaking and watching you without him knowing it than the actual pictures. His anger was more about him getting caught and his denial is indicative of him not being able to accept responsibility for his own actions.
Lots to find out here.
I think you have to confront him. even though you have to admit that you went through his phone. or you must find another way to proof it. he is violating your privacy and trust. you need to know what his agenda is. i can understand how shocked you are. i would feel exactly the same... i think you have to get answers from him in order to decide if you want to continue the relationship or not.
Were you/are you able to make a copy of the video? If you plan to confront him with it eventually, then it would be a good idea to have a copy of it as cold, hard evidence of what he's done so that he can't deny it and escape any actual discussion by pretending to "explode with anger" that you'd accuse him of such a thing.
He might have a voyeurism fetish -- which is not really wrong in itself, but he really should have let you know about what he was doing/planning to do. In any case, if you feel uncomfortable with his behavior, then you will need to confront him about it eventually instead of harboring your feelings all to yourself when you know that your trust in him has been damaged.
I agree with every reply given but you say there is an unstable history between you both. Could you explain a bit more. That may just give everyone a bit more of an.understanding into your situation.