I've always agreed that it is important to look towards the future but the guy who I am currently in a relationship with appears to be taking this to the extreme.
Let me give you a little background information:
1. We met online almost 3 week's ago.
2. There's a considerable age gap between us (15 years).
3. He's Turkish (a cultural difference perhaps?)
4. I'm quite inexperienced when it comes to relationships and he, allegedly, has significantly more experience.
I readily admit from my end that there is chemistry between us. I enjoy talking to him online and on Skype and the conversation have lasted for hours. The trouble is, I don't love him yet but I am certainly developing an attachment at this stage, which with time could bloom into love. Perhaps I am tentative given the fact that I have broken up with a boyfriend of 14 months about 4 month's ago and I am reluctant to plunge into a serious, committed relationship.
What troubles me, and what has prompted me to reach out to the online community is that I am quite skeptical about his behavior and I am starting to wonder whether the passion he reportedly feels has any basis.
In a nutshell, here's why:
1. A few days into the relationship he declared that he thinks we are soul-mates.
2. Shortly after that he asked for my opinion about marriage and having children.
3. More recently, he suggested living together in the near future when I take up a new job closer by his home.
4. He has told me that he is planning to buy me expensive gifts and is deciding on Christmas presents at this early stage.
5. He repeatedly tells me how he feels I complete his life and how I am all he ever wants and what he is looking for.
He seems so adamant that he wants the relationship to endure that I'm starting to question how he could be so certain? Is it even possible for somebody to be so sure as he claims to be? His proclamations make me feel uncomfortable and my suspicions are starting to signal that the time is now ripe to run away. But I cannot help feeling that maybe the relationship is worth saving as he is such a demonstrative and loving man.
I just find it difficult to fathom that his feelings could be real. Is there a basis to my concerns or could it just be insecurity on my end/fear of commitment?
Step back and take 3 deep breaths. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything if you yourself know that you don't want/need to do it.
Listen to your gut instinct and be wary of online 'relationships'...and make sure you are well and truly over your ex before putting yourself out there.
Hi, you really need to step back here Gill. You don't know this guy! Even if you think you do or want to know him - it's been 3 weeks! You really need to see this for how it is, you are both strangers pretty much, you don't know anything about him and 3 weeks is no time to say that you do.
Not only that but I can tell this man is desperate. He wants to almost force you into being with him, after 3 weeks you complete him? When he probably doesn't know your birthday, your last name or even the small smidgen of information about you. Sure, you've talked but you have to remember, it's been 3 weeks!
It seems to me like you want to be in love but you are afraid to get hurt, but what you are doing here is asking to get hurt. You are putting your heart and soul into something with HUGE risks because.. I've said it three times now and I think you know what I'm going to say, you simply, do not, know this man. He could be ANYONE, how do you know who he really is?
The only way to get to know someone is; to get to know someone and 3 weeks is no time to say you are developing feelings for someone, it's just delusional and a very unhealthy mentality to have in regards to relationships. It seems like in another 3 weeks you could be marrying this man and you haven't even got past the basic aspects of getting to know someone.
Be friends first. Don't try and force feelings. Don't try and pretend something is there when it isn't. And if it is then you really give in too easy to anyone. Have some self-respect and have some dignity, you are opening yourself up to this guy after 3 weeks? He's talking about moving closer to you? And buying you gifts? And... marrying you? Gill, that rings SERIOUS alarm bells for me. How can he know you are the one after 3 weeks? It's impossible, you don't even know whether someone is right for you after 3 months. Talk to him, get to know him and really, I'd really advise you from avoiding talking about really serious things before you've got past the first stage because it's literally like picking some man off the street you don't know and saying you love him. It's absurd to be honest.
I know you no doubt mean well but you need to think about yourself. You need to be realistic. You need to focus on what is going on here, the man seems really controlling and determined to pull you into his life when he doesn't know anything about you, I keep stating the fact you don't know anything about each other because you don't. I can see it just ending in tears.
You are taking this way to fast, be mature, be civil and don't rush. Take as long as it takes. At the end of the day, it's up to what you do, but I'm just giving my advice because I worry about people who give their heart and soul to a person they've just met off the internet when ANYTHING can happen and ANYONE could be hiding behind that display picture. You don't know him yet. He doesn't know you. Treat it that way. You are new friends, not future partners. Right now, you are friends... you are nothing more. And you should remain friends and whatever happens in the future happens. If it's meant to be then it will be.
Right now, neither of you can say what will happen in the future. It's been 3 weeks, calm down, relax, tell him to back off a little. He seems needy and desperate, how do you know he wants you for the right reasons? And not just to have you for keeps-sake so he can say to his family he now has a family of his own? Do you just want to be an object or actually be a woman that is loved? Any normal man doesn't go professing to a woman he wants to marry her after 3 weeks so something is not quite right there. Maybe he isn't in the right place mentally or perhaps it's a lot more than that. Be warey. Put your head back on your shoulders and listen to your mind and not your heart. He wants you for all the wrong reasons in my opinion, he doesn't care about KNOWING YOU he just cares about being in a relationship, clearly he doesn't care who it is. I bet he's sent the same messages to other women, trust me. I'm a guy, and this guy rings alarm bells for me.
Anyway, hope I helped and stay safe