1. When you say you've hardly had sex, do you mean since the day you became a couple, the day you married, just recently? Which?
2. Define 'problems at home'?
3. When your initiation proves successful he treats you like nothing more than a warm hole put there for his convenience? Yes, of course you deserve to be satisfied. Why are you even asking such a no-brainer question? Had you had no prior relationship experience before getting it together with him?
You dressed up and he dozed off? Do WHAT-ah??!? Dozed off at what point in the proceedings, specifically?
More data pending, I'd conclude either he doesn't fancy you, or he doesn't have a libido to speak of, or he's getting his fulfilment elsewhere. Or he's homosexual and you're his cover.
1.we have hardly had sex since we got married..mine was an arranged marriage so it took time till we got comfortable and then later things got difficult at home for us to remove any time together.
2.since i live in a joint family my mother in law would keep picking fights for petty things and would also keep complaining about me to my husband..this made him distant from me which we tried to resolve later
3. My initiation for sex is often turned down by reasons like its late, i am tired, etc..n yes i did have relationships in the past but i was a virgin till i got married...i did have fun but did not have proper sex...and probably it is also one of the reasons why i want my husband to be more concerned and sensitive towards me..with him i dont feel as if he desires me..we live like roomies
when i dressed up he absolutely didnt do anything..if i ask for sex he turns me down..this time i thought i will not say it..let him see it..but i was shattered when he just slept off..i felt like a desperate slut whose begging for sex
I know sex aint everything in a married life but i still want it..whenever if ever he agrees to make love its just rubbing himself on top of me and going and cleaning up...i then feel that i am a sex doll where you satisfy yourself without thinking about the doll..he never evn tries enough to turn me on..infact rarely when he initiates sex i dont even get wet..even after telling him what i want him to do he still doesnt bother..
i feel like cheating on him and satisfying myself...sex is no longer my want but my need..i need someone to make me feel wanted..someone who would be crazy for me and make me crazy for him..would it be wrong if i just meet my needs elsewhere??
The stage will be set: He can't profess being tired or have any other excuse. Take things slow and show him how to make love to you.
You are going to get your answers about many things after this trip.
Do not stay in a loveless marriage. But if he has family pressures that prevent him from paying attention, then get into counseling about it.
And you're not unreasonable to feel the way you feel about it all, PIHU12.
If, after trying Susie's suggestion (assuming that's do-able?), the situation was still the same, could you divorce him?
Anyhow in my experience there seems to be a lot more going on in the background. For example in my situation my wife has anxiety and depression issues. It is hard because I have supported her and tried many things like giving tons of affection and completely make it a goal that she is fully satisfied before I am.
Recently she has been completely turned off and has no sense of feeling it seems. I mean is that possible?! Can a couple be having sex while one doesn't feel a thing? To me this is all female because a guy you can very much tell he is feeling good. If not, you know that as well.
Anyhow I am sorry you are dealing with this as it is extremely frustrating. I wouldn't cheat but dig deeper and search for the core of the problem. I like how you put it as it seems to have become the same for me... Sex is no longer my want, it is my need. The husband and wife should take care of each other in this.
I wish we could talk more as just letting it out, helps. Great post. I'm with you and completely understand.
What would happen if he ever found out? Would he divorce you then?
@SOULMATE...i dont have the answers to these questions but i know what i want..i simply want to feel good about myself...i want someone to think about me...and if any one has any other idea i still am open to working my relationship out
OMG!! Does he even KNOW that you are so sexually frustrated?
PS - You don't have to "go home" after a divorce, in fact, you would be working and in your own apartment should you get a divorce, right? Your family would have you stay in a loveless marriage. Tell them there will be no grandchildren because your husband does not want to make children. THAT should wake them up to the situation!
You are considering to cheat but BEFORE you even go along that trail of thought dont you think you should get to the bottom of things first. I know that if my partner refused me in an intimate way, the first thing I would need to find out is why!!!! And not, fine, I will get it from elsewhere!!! For all you know, he could be having extra curriculum activities OUTSIDE the home.
You say you had an arranged marriage? Do you know much about his past? And if not, perhaps dig deep and try to find out and along your line of enquiry, you MAY just find out the real reasons as to why he does not want to be intimate with his OWN WIFE.
@K.i have tried tlking to him but he just refuses to openly say anything..and its not that I've straight come to cheating on him..i have tried working things out but they just dont seem to go anywhere..u could help me with what and how are you expecting me to talk to him...
Check his phone. Look into the internet history and perhaps check who he is talking to. What does he do after work? who does he hang around with? Look into it.
Many will not like what I have said but imho, you really don't have any other choice because you HAVE tried everything. IF, after doing your research, you find nothing, then to a certain extent you have your answer which is perhaps your husband just has a very low sex drive. You can work on a underlying medical issue but first, you need to be sure that that is the only issue.
What if you took a lover and was found out? What would happen, would you be in any danger from his relatives?
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