I need some relationship advice
My boyfriend just broke up with me.
We have been together since August 2013, both 16 at that time, now 17. We were not the typical couple, he was the one overly-attached, the one always fighting for us, the one desperate to catch my attention, while I was the 'give me a break' kind of girlfriend. Eventually I fell for him. I didn't like him that much at first though, I just liked his perverted mind, his wit and intelligence. One thing to note, he was also very possessive and jealous.
During the winter-spring of 2014 we broke up suddenly because of him. At that time it was as if we switched places - I was crazy about him whereas he wasn't anymore. He told me that he has principles about love: 'Loving someone, loving you, gets in the way of my personal development.' So I let him go, I stopped caring. A month later he came back crawling, telling me he made a mistake and begging for forgiveness. It took me months to actually trust him again and give him a second chance.
All good and nice, great relationship we had. He was indeed obsessed with me (with a positive connotation, if there is any) and I didn't care that much until recently this summer when I slept with him. I started loving him so deeply, as deeply as a 16 year-old girl could love. As I said, the relationship was not typical at all, nor was it immature or silly. It was really sacred somehow.
This August I moved to Norway. He kept telling me: 'we'll handle even a long-distance relationship as long as we are both trying.' I was really scared about having a long-distance relationship. I even considered breaking up with him before moving, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I am supposed to go home on Christmas and we were both looking forward to it so badly. However, when I moved here, things changed. I was busy with school yet he was constantly calling and bothering me. Another thing was that whenever I mentioned one of my guy friends he would get extremely jealous saying: 'You, such an attractive girl, miles away from me, how could I not be jealous on whoever gets close to you?'.
We had a long talk about it and I asked him to stop being so immature. That's when our relationship started to go down. He stopped calling that often, he was not all that attached anymore and I really liked it at first. I was getting more and more excited about having such an understanding boyfriend. However, at some point I realized that something was off. Not only was he not calling, he didn't care even when I called. Last week or so I stared crying on the phone, but he ignored the situation saying he's too tired and wants to sleep.
Today I confronted him about it. I told him that it was not working, that something was not ok. He agreed with me and we had a long talk about what we should change about our relationship. When I asked him if he wanted to break up he said: 'I don't know...I don't want to make you suffer, but at the same time I don't want to love you if loving you means hating on other guys that feel attracted to you.' (Stupid, I know). Basically he implied that he wanted to break up. I asked him if he loved me, no answer. It was awful. So in the end I asked him what exactly did I do wrong and his answer was: 'It's not you, it's my principles. You think that hatred and jealousy is a part of the human nature. It's not. And I don't want to hate people because of loving you.'He also said: 'I regret not following my principles when we first broke up. I was selfish and I wanted to have you in order to satisfy my ego and brag about owning you. In fact, that is exactly what I hate about relationships: I don't own you, you don't own me, and I am so possessive that I almost forgot my beliefs.'
I really can't understand his point of view. He seems like a coward to me; I've always thought that jealousy was a condition of love.
Anyway, after crying my heart out for hours I started to like the idea of being single. That until we started chatting and he accused me of being cynical and mean when all of it was just a misunderstanding. He said he does not want to break up, I am the one who made this decision and he still cares about me.
I am confused. I guess he is as well. I just don't know whether I should accept him or not. I still care about him...But. I just do not know what to do.
I can understand his point. Jealousy is a condition of love, that's normal, but he becomes too jealous too fast and it shows he doesn't trust you very much. And with no trust there is no relationship. He's insecure of himself and wants you all to himself, because he knows how easy it would be for you to find somebody else. I believe if you love each other you should always fight to keep the relationship going, fight until you can fight anymore to keep it going. Because as long as you're always putting your 110% in it, if you breakup, you won't regret it wondering "what would have been if I just tried harder and stuck through it. But that being said, you need to think realistically as well. This man will MOST likely not be your "forever." You are both very young and believe me when your 20's come around life will be even more exciting and different for the both of you. You're each other's first everything's and that's why you're attached to one another right now. Which is perfectly normal. Enjoy it while it lasts now. When/if it's over try to leave it on good terms and thank him for loving you for so long and making you feel special. So in conclusion, stay together and try at this relationship, but keep it realistic in your mind as well and realize that you most likely won't be together forever so just enjoy the great feeling you give each other now.
Gosh, you really got serious at such a young age. Why not wait for a while before professing never-ending "love" to an immature 17 year old boy.
Yup - enjoy being "single" for a while.