Guys...Tomorrow is my Hubbies birthday.This post is a gift to him on behalf of me.
Your Birthday must have been the most special day to two persons in this world,'YOU' who was born and 'YOUR MOM' who bore all the pains and gave you the birth bringing you to the light of this world.But please explain me then, does this statement justify that your birthday has to be a less special day for the other closed persons of your life like your Father, Grand Mom, Grand Pa, Fiance',Girl-friend, Best-Friends, Friends and Relatives?Does they have equal right like your mother to clebrate and share with you the joy of this special day?How do you think a person shall celebrate his birthday?Shall he/she celebrate his birthday exclusively with his/her mother or shall he/she celebrate with all loved ones?Or shall a person has the right to make his/her own choice on how he would like to spend the special day?
How would you prefer to celebrate your b-day?
• spend it with your Parents/Family
• throw a birthday bash and enjoy with family and friends
• spend exclusively with you Mother
• spend cosily with your love/fiance'
• spend half the day with family and the rest with friends
In the year 2010, my hubby who was then my boyfriend spent this special day with me and returned back home late.His mom had been waiting for him all the day making special sweets and dishes which my hubby had with love after returning back home.My hubby chose to spend the day the way he wished it to.He wished to get a day all for himself, free from all the taunts,pinches and verbal abuses which he had to absorb everyday from his mom about having a relationship and choosing a lifepartner of his own choice and that too from a different caste and comparatively lower caste.He lied to her mom about the meeting with me as he did not want to hurt her feeling as well and also beacause atleast on this special day he wanted some peace.(Telling the truth of meeting me had always rewarded him with hurting words and emotional blackmails in return from his mother.)But truth prevails!One day his Mom got to know about his dating with me on his birthday.Since then, on his every birthday his mom tortures him emotionally for the offence of spending this day with me 4 years back.Since them on his every birthday my hubby feels guilty and i never see the same smile on his face which i saw on 10.10.10(one o the most sweetest dates of our lives).Your comments and viewpoints will help him come out of this situation.
He needs to grow a pair of b*lls. Bit easy to say if you don't consider the fact he's been semi-castrated, but.. that's why the word GROW.
He needs to realise that his mother clearly, for whatever reasons, doesn't want him to strengthen his wings and fly her (psychological) nest. (Perhaps she made him the centre of her world, meaning, without having him to constantly care and fuss over, she feels devoid of a life and purpose?) But he should cease trying to get around his dislike of confrontation and being on the sharp end of her tongue, cease PANDERING to her, in other words, or he is never going to be capable of keeping an emotionally mature, adult, romantic relationship thriving and surviving. He cannot have his cake AND eat it.
He's trying to spin two very precarious plates which CAN'T be equally attended to (and nor should). All that will result in that case is BOTH plates crashing and making a mess on the floor to be laboriously swept up and (hopefully) glued back together. He doesn't have to choose between them in an all or nothing, drastic way, but he does have to realise which relationship should take priority at his age/stage.
His mother has no right to expect to come first any longer. A good mother is supposed to ENCOURAGE independence and flying the nest, having meantime forged enough of a life of her own that she's perfectly satisfied with newly being treated like and given the privileges befitting the new relationship dynamic - that being more like a very close, older, SPECIAL FRIEND - and see that alteration for the validation it represents regarding what a good job she did with her offspring.
Analyse that word: OFF. SPRING. It says it all, doesn't it?
YES, she is his mother. But it shouldn't these days still be a VERB.
She needs to look at things a different way: Not that she is losing a son, but that she is losing half of her once-manchild whilst that missing half stands to get replaced via gaining HALF A DAUGHTER. Win/win/win. So you COULD, if you were canny enough, start to supplement the 'food' you wish him to stop providing her, by providing it yourself. In application, that means making friends with her, starting, say, by inviting her to join you for lunch followed by some girlie shopping. Once she can see by sampling that there IS a life to be lived outside of him-him-him, she'll hopefully be off and soaring. By then, again hopefully, you two might have a hard time trying to get slotted into HER busy schedule. (As it should be.)
You two shouldn't have to go this effort; ideally, she should have got with the new programme already. However, she hasn't... you say you love him (and him you)...and he says he loves her, ...and she clearly is having inordinate trouble cutting the umbilicus herself thus clearly needs someones' help, so ... - PROVE IT, the pair of you. Yes? Help wean her off her addiction.
My son was born in October, on a beautiful sunny day. Every birthday of his, I remind him of that.
My point? Mom is "stuck" in an emotional memory. She keeps remembering and reminding him of that same memory because it means something to her.
So his job is to change or divert the memory. When she starts her tirade, he needs to interrupt and say, "Mom, we hear this story every year. Let's change the memory of my birthday, OK? What's another birthday that you remember. I remember . . . "
If she's elderly, this will be more difficult, but the point is to not let her even start that ole story again . . .
BF needs to direct the conversation.