Does she have feelings for me? caught between 2 girls. (m/18) (f/18, 22)
am 18 years old, i have been dating my very first girlfriend for almost 4 years now. She is a long story but is not why i am writing this but it basically comes down to we i need to tell her how i want my life to be and she can choose to follow along or leave, because over the past 4 years i have noticed that all she does is drag me down put me in a bad place. honestly i want to end it with her but i cant seem to bring myself to throw all those years with her away, id feel too bad and wouldnt know what to say especially now when shes relatively happy with me.
There is another girl, i have known her, not personally, for most of my life. Her family and mine always go on vacation the same place and same week every year so naturally wed cross paths and chat for a while by the fire or something.
The past 2 years ive been on vacation weve talked a lot more and she opened up to me a little bit, and then this past year we stayed up till 4 or 5 am talking by the fire, there was one or two other people but it was really only us talking. we were passing a bowl around and every time shed take it or the lighter from my hand shed brush up against it. Another night that week, there was a larger fire and lots of people were there. i was on the other side of the fire from her, but a few times i noticed her looking at me, and one time the stare held for a long time,and we were just looking across the fire at eachother. i felt like she was trying to communicate something with me, i felt like there was more in her eyes than just her looking at me. later that night it was her myself and a few others by a different fire, and she wanted to hear me play my instrument. Normally i hate playing for people but i had a really pretty song in mind and wanted to impress her so i did. As i was playing i got the same gaze into my eyes that i did before, it seemed like she was genuinely interested and that she cared about what i was doing, nobody else was even listening. We hung out a few other nights that week too and talked, and made plans to hang out outside of vacation for the first time. Since we were at the cabin we have been texting almost every day and we have talked on the phone a few times too,each conversation lasting about an hour. Shes told me about her childhood and all the fucked up problems she had and still has with her family and stuff, about her shitty boyfriends and how her 3 year old daughters father fucked them both over and left them. She confided in me, and i in her. She is one of the only people i can talk to about anything. I am not usually one to talk, i listen mostly, and a result of that is that i never talk about how i feel and i have nobody to give me advice. i told her about my girlfriend and how she mistreats me and she helped me understand it. i told her many a thing i have never told anybody in the world, and she listened and cared.
We always hug eachother when we say goodbye. So last week i was leaving her place and went in for a hug, and normally she does that hug where one arm goes up and one goes down the "friend hug" but this time i found both her arms around my neck and mine at her waist, and then the next time we hung out i got the same hug when i walked in and when i left. Last night we hung out again and again, she hugged me with her arms above mine and we held it there, not very long but just long enough to feel some sort of connection. another time we were standing on the dock at a lake late at night near my house and she told me about this other guy she knew. He lives 5 hours away in a different state but also visits the same vacation spot and has been for a few years. He did the same exact thing that i did, hung out with her late, talking and listening except on seperate occasions. she told him the same things she told me,just opened up and let everything out. She told me that she really appreciates me being there for her and that i will listen and try to help, and that itmeans the world to her that i can make her feel just a bit better. But then she talks about this guy in the same way,but she added that she had some sort of feelings for him, how she felt connected to him and close to him because he listened and talked. she told me all of this, how he made her feel and why, right after telling me how much she appreciates that i do these things for her too, and after she tells me we were standing on the dock and i look at her and she looks at me and stare for like 5 seconds,and i thought for a minute that she might be trying to tell me how she felt about me through her experience with the other guy. she told me last night that she doesn't want to try to work something out with him because of his distance. She also told me how she would hang out with her neighbor and they'd cuddle and watch movies, but she began to feel creeped out by him because he was making advances which she didn't want so now she tries to stay away from him. She knows that i am only 18 and she is 22, but she tells me i am an old soul and she thought i was much older. i know being in a relationship with a 22 year old with a 3 year old kid would be hard, but she knows that and she knows anyone shes with does not have to be in her child life, and i as an 18 year old would not be able to contribute much anyway, i have my own life to build. But she was telling me that shed cuddle with him and stuff simplybecause she was lonely and wanted to have someone feel for her again because she misses it, she never slept with him though. but i feel like she might be trying to tell me that she wants me in her life more than a just a friend, and i feel the same way about her. i can not deny that i have feelings for her. id almost call it love. and i know that its not just some hormonal teenage bullshit. i find it hard to even think of her sexually,although she is beautiful. i just respect her so much as a person for what she has been through and where she is today and i love that i found a person that will listen completely without judgement and that attracts me to her. I dont know what to think or feel,does she have feelings for me? do i tell her how i feel? what if it fucks everything up? all the feelings i may or may not have for her aside, she is still is an amazing person and i want to be friends with her. then what do i do with my girlfriend? i could write a whole story about her too but basically i want to end it with her, because this new girl made me realize that ive been treated like shit, and she does not treat me like shit.
Based on your story, I think you're pretty much dead set on what you want to happen here. Therefore, the humane thing to do is to break up with your girlfriend before you even think of taking positive action on your feelings with this other girl.
With that said, I don't see any actual indication in your story that this new girl feels the same way for you that you do for her. So I'd test the waters first and make sure that she really does have feelings for you and you're not just seeing things through rose-colored glasses.
Regardless of what you do concerning this 22 year-old woman however, I would suggest that you end your current relationship as soon as possible. You are obviously trying tired of being in this relationship so don't make it worse for the other person by prolonging it further than you should. If you feel dissatisfied with it now, that feeling will only intensify even more over time.
You said your GF is "relatively happy" with you. How do you know? She sounds like a complaining mother to me. How can she be in a quality relationship with someone she has to correct all the time?
Get out of this relationship so you can be free to explore others, like this "summer love" gal with the 3 year old son. (Whoa . . . are you ready for that?)
And don't be fooled. You WOULD be expected to be in that child's life eventually.
Time to get out in the world. Shed things that hold you back from maturing.
How does one test the waters without soiling everything?
never leave a girl bcs of a new girl...did u real love yo gf if so y u jump in some new relationship while things don't go right ..u should stay alone for some months thinking clear..is that difficult being alone for some time.... falling inluv so quick is she a rebound or it jast a lust..ask yo self those questions..make good decisions find yo self b4 jumping into a new girl
I think you read "test the waters" the wrong way there, my friend. I just meant to get to know her better before you start trying to make her yours -- because it could be that she's not even into you in the first place and you'd just end up feeling disappointed if you went after her from the get-go after leaving your current relationship. The reality is that there's no guarantee that this new girl will accept you nor that you will be happy with her -- just as there's no way to know how things will turn out if you maintain the status quo. The best that anyone can do is make educated guesses based on available data/facts.