My three sons
Hi I am very nervous writing about this but I am so confused and heart broken I don't know what to do maybe someone out there could help out a broken down man with a lot of problems. I have 3 sons 2 by my first marriage one by my second. Lets start with my oldest he is 32 years old married and has 2 children a little girl who is 5 and a little boy who is almost two my grandchildren. I didn't even know I had a granddaughter until she was over a year old and that was an accident, I didn't even know he had a large wedding. We were always close up until he turned about 18 then he just stopped talking to me wouldn't answer my calls letters are anything and now he is 32 and we barley talk he makes all these promises about me meeting his kids for the first time but it never happens he says I have done nothing wrong if I hadn't he would have told me about his wedding and his kids.
Now my other 2 boys one is 28 and the other is 18. The 28 year old and I use to talk at least 3 times a week he even brought his girl friend and spent the week end. Then all the sudden him and my 18 year old left me a message saying that they have disowned me didn't want to talk to me or hear from me I have tried to find out why and what had happened to make them fill that way no one will answer me my oldest who does text me once in awhile just to make sure he knows where I am at so I don't show up on his door step but now that I've moved 2000 miles away on his advise I don't here a word from him anymore. Does anyone have any advice suggestion's or anything before I decide to send them each a third of my ashes and instructions to dump them down the toilet or the sewer. My life was completely destroyed in 1987 by a drunk driver where I lost everything and now totally disabled with no life getting ready to be confined to a wheel chair hey were the only reason I am still alive today.
Thank You for any help
1. Nervous WHY?
2. Why do you call yourself 'the fugitive'?
3. Why do YOU think your eldest stopped having anything to do with you for 14 long years and is now avoiding being honest about what his problem with you is - what happened during that visit/stay (which?)? What got said? Had you had an affair on his mum, by the way? Or do you think he simply wants to cease associating with his past, meaning he has to cease associating with a huge symbol of it (you)? Other reason?
4. Who taught him that sticking his head in the sand was a way to deal with problems?
5. What could the 28 and 18 year old have found out or simply been told about you as resulted in them not wanting to touch you with a bargepole, do you think?
6. How are relations with their mother? Or how were they up until the boys left home?
7. Why would you move 2000 miles away on eldest's advice? Do you always do exactly as they tell you? Why would you do that when you claim you don't even have any idea why the refusal to communicate?
8. "Does anyone have any advice suggestion's or anything before I decide to send them each a third of my ashes and instructions to dump them down the toilet or the sewer." Is that a mature attitude befitting a grown man and father, do you think?
9. Has your health authority not offered you any counselling or have you never asked for any?
10. Completely destroyed or completely transformed (which you haven't embraced and found ways to make lemonade out of yet)?
I think your call for help shouldn't be so vague because then how can we properly help you? This is an advice page, so we can open up and be a little more honest with situations without judging one another.
You have to remember there is a precise reason as to why people stop talking to you and start disowning you. What did you do? What are you doing? What happened? What is allegedly going on? People don't just stop talking to someone for no apparent reason at all. There has to have been something that was said and done on your end or here say from a 3rd party.
If that is the case, then you need to be honest with yourself about the situation and not deny any fault on your end, and then do all that you can do to try and mend the dysfunction between you and your kids. Try to be a little less vague with me and tell me what the deal is. There has to be some kind of explanation because again. People do t avoid you from no apparent reason.
Ok so some people in this world haven't yet discovered the meaning of life.when we marry and what the lord has put together NO man should take apart.its a sin when we decide to have other relations outside of our marriage.in turn other relations outside the marriage would or could never have worked,that is why it is till death do u part.our children are our fruit.We (parents)are the trees, bad trees cannot bear good fruit, nor can good trees bear bad fruit.people with bad intentions have bad things directly happen to them,and people with good intentions have good things directly happen to them.every intention is first made by thought!(which the father can hear)then acting on that thought is action both made by you.the lord isn't here to put mans worlds together he is here to tear them apart daughter against mother,son against father,because he wants his people to love him and only him.this is why your not understanding lifes concept.sit and read a book open your heart and your eyes to understanding.we (parents)endure sickness cause we made bad choices in our lives,or cause our children are makin bad choices in their lives and because we haven't done our job as parents to teach them GODs love.which goes back to intentions!read a book, read the book,its the living book!the manual the father left man when he feels hoplessness.all the whys will be answered.
im back ive been thinking a bit, and a good way to start is by making the first move either for just you cause in the end it is just you and the father!or for you and your fruit(children)!what if the father gave you another chance to make right,your here right?he could of at any moment just taken you,after all he is the giver of life.the only way youd actually know that, is if he came to you,only you would know that!which im assuming you know!it can only be yes or no!all you have to do is decide yourself, or both you and your fruit.then ask the father because it is said ask and you shall receive.teach yourself about the father then teach your children, grandchildren about the father.with the father mountains can be moved!!!